Making sense of the Stanford Tree

For years we here at The Big Picture have been taught to hate Stanford. It’s just how it goes growing up in the East Bay: root for Cal, hate Stanford. But lately, we have developed a sort of secret crush on the Cardinal. Well, it’s not so much the team that we like (we think Chris Hernandez is a dick-wad), but that obnoxious tree mascot is perhaps the coolest one in the college ranks.

Last month, during a basketball game with Cal, Tree, as drunk as Eddie Sutton, blew a 0.157, puked on Leon Powe and then lost control of her bowels on the court. (The 0.157 part was true…the other stuff we’re sure is true…it just didn’t get reported). The person in the suit, Erin Lashnits, was then fired, expelled and killed. (Again, only the first part of that sentence was actually reported).

And now Monday, just a little over a month after the drinking, puking, shitting incident, the newest Tree was tossed out of the Stanford women’s tournament game against Florida State for refusing to clear the floor at halftime.

We saw some video of this, and Tree was really just dancing around, being obnoxious and probably taking hits off the crack pipe. But to eject a mascot? You may call it harsh, we’ll call it un-American.

As for Tree, well, it may be our new favorite mascot. Prior to the shenanigans that Tree pulled this year, our hands-down favorite was the St. Joseph’s Hawk. It’s not so much that Hawk is a boozer or clown, it’s Hawk’s dedication that we love so much. See, during a St. Joe’s’ game, Hawk stays in constant motion by flapping its wings throughout the entire basketball game. The whole fucking thing! You know how strong you have to be to flap your wings for two hours straight? Go ahead and try for two minutes. It’s tough we tell ya.

But Tree is certainly more rebellious than Hawk and we like rebellion as much as the next guy. But if Hawk decides to get loaded, flap his wings, yak, and keep on flappin’, well, Tree would take a backseat to our flappin’ friend from Philly. (If you get the chance, slug us for that alliteration).

In other news: The Indianapolis Colts signed kicker Adam Vinatieri after the Colts’ front office decided they didn’t want an “idiot kicker.”

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9 Responses

  1. Hey guys,
    Did you know you were in Sports Illustrated last week? There is a collage of some of the student sections behind their predictions for the entire Bracket. It the big center spread. You’re in the bottom left hand corner with some of the other big names from the Dawg Pack. Proud to see some fellow dawg packers in SI. Congrads.

  2. So now I’m curious why growing up in the East Bay, you aren’t a fan of either the Fremont A’s or the Los Angeles Raiders of Oakland?

    Also, as a Giants’ fan that’s had to spend the last decade cheering for Barry Bonds, perhaps you have some advice for Cowboys’ fans who now have Terrell Owens as their “star amongs stars?”

  3. They, like me, had a father who was a giants fan, so they naturally became giants fans also. When we were growing up the Raiders were still in Lala land, and the niners were far and away the best team in football, so that was an obvious choice.

  4. schlik:

    i did see that SI and was shocked! it was pretty cool seeing myself in there with my bro, mike, dave, etc. cool shit!

    insomniac:

    i get this question about not being a raiders/a’s’ fan all the time. but as JMC points out, my dad was a giants/niners fan so he passed along the fandom to me.

  5. How come you don’t follow the Huskies during the tournament? You couldn’t get the UDub paper to pick up the tab?

  6. comments galore today.

    adam:

    the UW paper is paying for the basketball beat writer to go to DC. however, if the dawgs somehow make the final four, which is a longshot, i may get a crack at indy b/c my brother is the editor of the UW Daily sports section and he’d get that paper to fucking pay our way.

  7. You made SI? Which cover was it? I hope I didn’t throw it away yet.

  8. bh (Benny, is that you?):

    the march madness preview (cover being tons of teams/players/mascots.

    where si picks their bracket (it’s a fold out page), we’re in the bottom left with the UW sectioin.

  9. That is me Zak. Damn I think I threw away that copy already. I’ll have to dig for it. Nonetheless tha’ts very cool!

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