Who the fuck is Orestes Destrade

A friend of ours told us how this dude was sitting next to Karl Ravech on Baseball Tonight a few days back. Since the man stage left (or is it right?) of the ESPN host wasn’t Harold Reynolds, John Kruk, Jeff Brantley, Mike Macfarlane or Brian McRae, we thought it’d be appropriate to dig up the goods on some dude we’ve never heard of.

Turns out Orestes Destrade Cuevas sucked it up in the majors. In his first two big league seasons he played 45 games and hit one home run.

Like Bobby Valentine, Destrade went oversees to find his calling. It came with the Seibu Lions. He immediately became a star, winning three home run titles and twice leading the league in RBIs and walks.

As baseball-reference.com explains, Destrade became famous for his “guts pose.” We have no fucking clue what a “guts pose” is but imagine it somehow involves a sick game he played with this guy. That or he flexed or something after going deep.

The Marlins signed the slugger in 1992 and he led the expansion Marlins in homers and RBIs a year later. That’s probably because their opening day starters included Bret Barberie, Junior Felix and Scott Pose. It’s also the best explanation for their 64-98 record.

(Interesting asides: Trevor Hoffman made his big-league debut and Charlie Hough finished his 67-year stint in the majors with this terrible team.)

Destrade was cut the next year, tried to make a comeback in Japan, had wife issues which led to divorce, did some broadcasting and is now with ESPN.

Guess Brent Abernathy will be on Baseball Tonight in no time.

Read other Who the fuck is…: Mel Kiper Jr.; Chris Shelton; George Mason; Pat Venditte.

-Adam Landres-Schnur

Adam is the sports editor at the University of Washington’s The Daily. His kiss is like a jackhammer.

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7 Responses

  1. a. are you comparing me to Abraham Lincoln?
    b. love the mallrats reference

  2. j, it was abe or jenna jameson. adam thought abe would be better…though rich aurilla woulda been good too!

  3. are you trying to say I’m honest, or that I was an important figure in the emancipation of slaves?

  4. When I saw him on BBTN earlier this year, I was wondering the same exact thing.

    It’s good to know I wasn’t alone.

  5. j you’re both honest and an important figure in ending slaver…not sure how. but it sounds pretty cool!

  6. His commentary during the LL World Series was horrible! He was a total shill for LL.

  7. well, most real baseball fans will at least remember his name

    and

    your gutter language on this blog shows that you can’t write. Try writing and see if you can make a point (and I doubt it) without showing your ignorance.

    -JCC

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