Would you do… Rachel Nichols?


Why we might:

The easy answer: If you watch Nichols do an ESPN report, you’ll notice that this redhead doesn’t blink. Like ever.

That really has no impact on our decision, except we’ll go ahead and speculate that she doesn’t, um, gag, either. We see cucumbers, kielbasas and tree branches coming into play.

The more in-depth answer: As a couple readers mentioned about Suzy Kolber, Nichols could certainly be a lesbo. She is young and some-what attractive, meaning she might be down with a threesome. We’ve also learned that Nichols is the daughter-in-law of Diane Sawyer, which we think may have a nice Kentucky feel to it.

Why we might not:

The easy answer: We can’t rule out that a threesome might involve another dude. Nichols might be the type who bangs other dudes while her husband watches in the corner, sips a mixed drink and strokes his dick beard.

A situation like that has all the makings for something going very wrong. This could be the type of threesome where you wake up the next morning without a major organ and just a note that says, “You can find your kidney at the local flea market. It’s being sold for $10 or best offer. Thanks for a good time. XOXO.”

The more in-depth answer: This no-blinking thing is slightly odd. What if after the sex she just stares at you while you attempt to fall asleep and starts thinking about the color of your son’s — she has the name figured out already. It’s Bruce. — first pet chinchilla? (It’s probably brown).

We’ve always thought that Nichols sounds a tad weird on camera — too forced or something — which could translate in her being awkward in the sack.

The answer: We’d bang her, but only as a way to get to Sawyer. Let’s say it’d take 2 Long Islands (not for the beer goggles, but to work up the nerve to ask if she’d let her mother-in-law join the party.)

All right, folks. Your turn to decide if Nichols is worth a cheap screw: post a simple “Y” (for yes, “I’d run through that shit”), or “N” (for no, “I wouldn’t touch that with a 10 foot pole”) in the comments sections.

In other news: The Clippers beat the Suns Thursday after Billy Crystal came in as a replacement referee.

-Adam Landres-Schnur

Adam is the sports editor at the University of Washington’s The Daily. He would love to see this town in the autumn. He thinks Crabbeville in autumn would look quite magnificent.

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54 Responses

  1. I was hoping she would be part of this game, because she’s the one who I really actually can’t figure out. Sometimes I think, yeah, for sure, other times I think, ugh. The verdict- I think with 2 long islands in me I’d probably be down.

  2. I’ve seen her in person. She’s the only person alive who is 15 pounds lighter on TV. There’s alot of junk in that trunk, and I assume lots of cellulite and stretch marks. Also, she’s got pretty bad skin without her 20 layers of makeup.

    In conclusion: Y

    But only if I was drunk to the point that I was barely able to perform, and it might only last for 20 seconds.

  3. If Ruben Stein is correct, and her bottom half is built like Earl Campbell, I would say no.

  4. Trust me. She’s also shorter than you realize. In real life she looks like the Rachel you see on TV through a fun house mirror.

    I would definitely make her say “This is Rachel Nichols…. e.s.p. emmmmmmm”

  5. There’s no question in my mind. Yes.

    Maybe 1 Long Island Ice Tea. But most likely, none.

  6. If you throw in the guideline “nobody would have to know” you’d get 100% yes.

    I’d do it though. Just to say I did.

  7. “If you throw in the guideline “nobody would have to know” you’d get 100% yes.”

    Precious, gml. just precious! that factor of shame always plays in.

    Nice insight, Rubenstein. Sounds like we’d have to up it to about 5 long islands to do her in person. (opposed to talking about nailing her on TV).

  8. Y

  9. not only does she not blink but the bottom part of her jaw comes unhinged and looks like it’s going to fall off her face when she talks. you know, like how alanis morissette looks when she’s singing. and she does some alien humming thing on the end of ESPHMMM. creepy.

    definite N.

  10. Nice site. I’d bang her. But I’m desperate.

  11. Yes, but with reservations. Rachel’s not ugly, but I don’t find her particularly appealing either. Of course, 2-4 LI ice teas would likely take care of that.

  12. Y

  13. Oh hell yes!

    Simply trade the mike in front of her mouth with Mr. Johnson. She NEVER blinks? You sure? We’ll just have to see about that…

    Those big, never-blinking eyes looking up at you from below… Ummmm.

  14. I dont think i would do her. She acts a little odd and her voice is annoying. But, if i hadn’t been laid in a while i guess i might after a case of keystone. So yes, but i’d have to be stoned.

  15. Ohh, how I love redheads…I would definitely bang her. Especially for the “junk in the trunk”. I’m just not believing you guys when you say you would do it just to say you DID IT. Quit kidding yourselves.

    I’m with Rubenstein….she would definitely have to give me the Rachel Nichols “ESPemmmm” sign off…just before going down.

  16. i would give it to her till she passes out

  17. I had to do more research on this one, so I googled her, and got a completely different Rachel Nichols, who MAY do me if we were the last 2 people on earth and she had about 17 Long Island Iced Teas.

    This one? Flip her over and watch her claw the pillow, then you won’t have to worry about the no blink thing.

  18. y
    Done in 10 minutes

  19. i’d kiss her, eat her, suck her, lick her, wash her ass, eat that too…and then make love to her…she is gorgeous…would be hard to figure out if she is fuckable or loveable…

  20. Absolutely. If she never blinks that just means she’d get an eyefull when I’m done.

    I’ve met Rachel before; she’s got a fat ass that I wanna slap

  21. Rachel Nichols: Absolutely.

  22. Umm, yes and probably 5 long islands and a couple shots. I have this feeling that she probably is carrying around a red fur bikini. Top that with pasty white skin and some scary eyes I would have to be drinking heavily.

  23. I would take her apart…I LOVE that red hair

  24. dude. for sure.

  25. absolutely….she should be #1

  26. Y as in hell yeah. I think she’s married but Id still hit that.

  27. yes sir!

  28. A friend of mine who worked at the World Wide Leader told me Nichols has crazy tattoos all up and down her arms, thats why she is always wearing long sleeves, even in the summer. Also, she has a clause in her contract that she cannot be filmed below the waist cause her butt is so big. That no blinking thing creeps me out.

  29. Hell yeah! Bring on that junk in the trunk, cause girls with hips and a big ass know how to bring the fuck.

  30. Y

  31. I would!

  32. are you kidding that red haired putty and that pasty white skin fuck yeah I wanna hit it

  33. Rachel is not a real redhead (she’s a light brunette) and she’s not just just a big ass, it’s a wide, flabby, rolling ass. She’s really not that attractive but she’s painted nicley for TV.

  34. Not sure what what some dudes are looking at, but she hot from head to toe. She has a teeth issue, but that’s it. Red hair, blue eyes, and build for speed. A No-Brainer YES!

  35. Most definantely she is hottt. I love the fact that she is a redhead and shes just sexy. So yes I would

  36. Damn straight I’d bang her…she’s got a great face to drop a load on.

  37. I find her as attractive as a train wreck … the parts of her face don’t match … a resounding HELL NO!

  38. Red hair – check
    Blue eyes – check
    Big booty – check

    i would make that hottie tap out

  39. 2 long islands and ill go down on her. But she’s off the market and married so hopefully she’s not faithful. Haha

  40. HELLO RACHEL NICHOL.IT IS REAL LIFE BUT I WON’T ACCEPT IT BECAUSE I AM LIVING IN THE HILL.IT IS BIG HELL AND I CAN’T GET OUT OF THIS HELL BECAUSE ALWAYS WAS THE HARD WAYS.AND I WON’T BELEIVE ALL THIS. YOUR FRIEND ARTHUR.

  41. GOOD BYE TO EVERYBODY HERE
    ARTHUR

  42. Sure, why not? Rachel’s not ugly (on tv). and yeah, it is funny she never blinks. Betcha -I- could make her blink. (Pirate’s Eye)

    In Short: ~~Y~~

  43. something about that gap in her teeth that makes her appealing,,i bet she is a wild one…YES

  44. She is HOT!!! I dont know why yall are hatin. She is damn sexy. That red hair and she seems like she would be fun in bed. SO I SAY YES ALWAYS

  45. Most definately, Yes. The no blinking thing wouldn’t bother me, because her face would be in the pillow, as I would be sliding it straight up her ass.

  46. yep

  47. she seems like the type that after the games shes goes into the locker room and finds the biggest dicked black D-tackle and gets it on.

    shes still smoking fucking hot

  48. A RedHead that has a SnaggleTooth?
    OH Hell Yea! I’d bust in her and leave it in till the spooge ooozed out.

  49. Redheads are always good in the sack. Definite Y

  50. I nail her on principle alone. Honestly I think Id rather nail her mother in law Diane Sawyer. She is a ho fo sho.

  51. You’re all fucking retarded Rachel Nichols is gorgeous

  52. Hell Yes I would handle Rachel Nichols. And I am not afraid of a woman with an ass, I prefer an ass actually. As far as Long Island Iced Tea’s and what not, the only tea involved would be when I TEA BAG her!

  53. I did…well kinda this chick in AZ looked just like her….close enough

  54. I have a spot reserved for her to sit….right on my face!!! It would take me all of 2 seconds to rip my clothes off for a chance at Rachel Nichols

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