Esteban Loaiza is not very smart

Via Insomniac’s Lounge and local sports radio comes the troubled story of A’s pitcher Esteban Loaiza.

Loaiza, 34 and stupid, is scheduled to pitch tonight against Seattle. Fantasy owners like ourselves (long story), may consider leaving Loaiza on the bench tonight. See, the Oakland right-hander spent the night in jail yesterday.

Prostitution, right?

Remarkably, no. Loaiza was instead arrested on suspicion of drunk driving after he was pulled over going 120 mph in his Ferrari.

Now, Esteban, a few things:

1. Don’t drink and drive. Though J.J. Redick didn’t tell you that.
2. Don’t do 120 mph.
3. If you do drink, try the speed limit.
4. If you do 120 mph, don’t drink on top of it.
5. Don’t waive a red flag that tells cops you’re as drunk as Jim Bowden.

We’re pretty sure here that if you were to take a cross-section of Loaiza’s head you would see nothing — much like in that picture. Though we doubt we’d hear an echo. Esteban probably doesn’t have much in his head, for if he did, he wouldn’t drink, drive and put a sign (or speed) on his car that says, “Pull me over, please!”

In other news: England beat Trinidad & Tobago 2-0 this morning despite not knowing who Trinidad or Tobago were.


2 Responses

  1. My reaction when I read that was “Esteban Loaiza has a Ferrari??”

  2. Love this post. . .I’m an A’s fan but I am ashamed of Mr. Loaiza. . I shudder to think that my team has to rely on such a man (you know. . .the kind with no brain).

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