Castilla, Padres Break Up

In more sad celebrity break-up news, the whirlwind 9-month affair between the San Diego Padres and 3B Vinny Castilla came to an end yesterday, when the Pads dumped Vinny.

Many experts thought the union between Vinny and the Padres would last after he was acquired through a trade last November. Vinny has bounced between relationships since his long term romance with the Colorado Rockies ended in 1999. Since then Vinny has been linked with the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, the Washington Nationals, old flame Atlanta, the Houston Astros, and he even briefly reunited with Colorado in 2004. Vinny and San Diego looked to be a perfect match, and it seemed as though Vinny had finally settled down for good.

“It’s not him, it’s me,” said the Padres, “I’m just not ready for that type of commitment quite yet.”

Many are now speculating that the division-leading Padres are on the prowl for a younger, sexier third baseman.

“I have this great new ballpark, the weather is awesome, and I want to party!” squealed the newly single Padres. Adding insult to injury, the Padres continued, “Vinny always wanted to cuddle after fucking, and I’m just not into that.”

It looks now like Vinny will have to continue his search for a team to settle down with. While several teams are rumored to be in the market for a third baseman, Vinny’s sub-par performance in the sack at the plate this season will likely keep the suitors at bay.

Vinny could not be reached via cell phone. Neighbors report that he has been hiding in his house binging on pints of Ben & Jerry’s and watching the “Meg Ryan Marathon” on Oxygen.

-Jameson Costello

Jameson is going home this weekend, and is really f-in stoked to kick it with Zach.


3 Responses

  1. What a love affair…Vinny is old. He is should retire.

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