Hang in there Buck!

Bad news over on ESPN.com today, where we find out that Negro Leagues legend Buck O’Neil is in the hospital. A few of us Big Picture contributors had the pleasure of seeing Buck speak a few years back when he was traveling with a touring exhibit from the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum. He later got the ultimate shaft by falling one vote short of being elected to the Hall of Fame. He also recently played in a minor league all-star game at age 94. What a guy! Here’s hoping Buck makes a speedy recovery.

-Jameson Costello

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No in-season firings. Boo.

What the hell? It seems every year — some years more than others, of course — that MLB managers will have a terrible team/attitude/case of the shits and get fired in the middle of the year.

Well baseball fans, that can’t be said this season. Remarkably there were no in-season coaching changes in the bigs. (We think. Please correct us if we’re wrong).

Though maybe there should have been. The Royals’ Buddy Bell, for example, is leading a 100-loss campaign.

Jim Tracy is doing a real bang up job in Pittsburgh, driving the Pirates into the ground.

Eric Wedge wins “Underachiever of the Year.”

There was speculation that Dusty Baker would get fired in Chicago. Well, he hasn’t yet and the Cubs are still fucking terrible.

It’s kind of refreshing not to have coaches getting canned. It’s bad for the clubhouse, bad for the fans and probably kind of shitty for the coach who got the axe. Changing the coach mid-year won’t likely help a team too much either; a bad team is still going to be bad.

Surely some coaches won’t be back next season, but not too much shakeup this year. Strange.

And while we’re on the topic…

Norv Turner Update:
Still in as the 49ers offensive coordinator. But we did find this cool picture.

In other baseball news:
The Mets’ Pedro Martinez will miss the entire postseason after breaking his hand while attempting suicide.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call a rant

Mike Valenti of the Sports Inferno on Detroit’s 1270 XYT provides you with your Thursday afternoon laugh attack. The radio host provides one of the most outrageous on air rants we’ve ever heard. There’s melting down after a bad loss and then there’s this, which we’ll refer to has as fucking losing it. (You can hear it here).

Valenti is a big Michigan State fan, and, well, he doesn’t take the Spartans loss to Notre Dame well.

Our favorite line Valenti says: “You’re asking Drew Stanton to run the option in Hurricane Katrina!”

What?! Not only does Valenti lose it, he makes no fucking sense while doing it.

Fantastic stuff!

As for Valenti, “I got nothing left. I got nothing left.”

After laughing as hard as we just did, we don’t have anything left either.

A huge hat tip to The House Rock Built via the Wiz.

Jenn Sterger knows it all

We all know by now that SI.com’s Jenn Steger (painful to say, by the way) has got all the answers. And we mean all the answers.

But the real question is who the hell are the guys writing to her? These guys are either:

a.) Desperate for sex
b.) half-retarded
c.) all of the above

We’ll go with “C.” These guys are morons among fucking morons. Jenn Sterger knows one thing, take that back, two things. And that is how to gain attention in the Florida State bleachers, and a good doctor to enhance her tits.

We’ve touched on Jenn and her ignorance plenty. Though we’ve never ridiculed her fans and emailers, which, really, is remarkable.

We’re not out to haunt Jenn and beat her to shit, but really, if these guys are writing in to her mailbag, they might as well find her at a bar, say, “Do you come here often?” and leave with their dignity below their morality.

Yeah, pretty pathetic. But hey, Jenn’s all about the Subway Series. So, yeah, go New York.

Apparently money can buy you happiness

At least that’s what TO’s publicist seems to think. In the aftermath of the Terrell Owens “yes he did, no he didn’t” attempted-suicide incident, Kim Etheredge, TO’s publicist, said “Terrell has 25 million reasons why he should be alive.” The 25 million she’s talking about are, of course, the 25 million bucks the Dallas Cowboys agreed to pay Owens to break his hand and try to kill himself catch touchdowns and lead them to a Super Bowl.

Now the last we checked even rich people could be depressed. But heck, if money really does buy happiness, point me to the nearest Lotto dealer.

Don’t-hate-me-for-writing-this-post disclaimer: Suicide, attempted or otherwise, is a very serious matter and not something to joke about. I believe TO when he says the incident was not a suicide attempt and I thought the quote from his publicist was funny. Maybe not so much funny as sad that she would think that just because the guy is getting 25 million that it would cure any problems he might have.

-Jameson Costello

St. Louis, we have a problem…

…And that problem is trying to hold off the resilient baseball team from Houston.

The Cardinals, who were swept over the weekend by the Astros, haven’t won for about six weeks, and the Astros seem to be winning every day (each streak is at seven, by the way).

What was a seven-game NL Central lead a week ago is now down to a game and a half. The Cardinals are just 80-76, and claim they don’t play in the NL West.

What this collapse has led to is chaos in baseball’s best city.

“I’m going to go home, pour myself a double scotch neat, and put my grandpa’s old revolver on the kitchen table,” a St. Louis diehard, who wished to remain anonymous, said after yesterday’s 7-5 loss to San Diego. “I don’t know what’s going to happen. Just tell my wife I love her.”

Hold on, “anonymous.” You are still winning the division. It probably doesn’t feel that way, but spare your family for at least a few more days. Save the suicide for Sunday if the Cards do indeed complete the meltdown.

But scotch, gun, kitchen table? How cliché.

No members of the Astros were available to comment on what effect this late-season surge could have on midwestern families in the coming days.

But we believe Roger Clemens would have this to say to any Cards fans of Asian decent.

Should be a lively crowd at Busch today. Anthony Reyes (5-7, 4.92 ERA) on the hill for the Red Birds against San Diego’s Chris Young (within two outs of no-hitter last outing).

On second thought, having the gun out isn’t such a bad idea.

In other news: Arizona coach Dennis Green is sticking with Kurt Warner as his quarterback after Matt Leinart refused to give him Paris Hilton’s phone number in exchange for a start.

Last we checked, it’s called Monday Night Football

They came for football and got an extravagana!

Naturally we tuned in to the Saints/Falcons game last night. It was the beginning of a long week, we had a case of the “Mondays,” and fuck, we just wanted to watch some sports.

Well, tuning into MNF, we got a bit more than that. We’re not talking about all the emotion of the players, fans, and city. No, that’s cool. New Orleans has been through more devastation than Joan Rivers has cosmetic surgery. It’s fine that there was plenty of discussion about sports and the Saints helping rebuild New Orleans.

But the pregame/halftime events! You’re fucking kidding! We don’t need U2. We don’t need Green Day. If this is the Super Bowl, well, at least we know not to turn on the TV until kickoff.

But frankly, we tuned in early trying to here Tony Kornheiser tell a joke or two and instead we got U2’s The Edge practically shoving his guitar up Billy Joe’s backdoor.

The Mighty MJD, blogging over at the AOL Fanhouse, had a great line regarding more pregame festivities.

“Oh, good, Ashton Kutcher. I was wondering what he thought about all of this.”

Bang up job in “Dude, Where’s my Car?”

Dead on, MJD. We don’t care about Kutcher’s acting, we don’t care how often he cries after he makes love to Demi Moore, and we could give two shits what he thinks about football.

Also on hand was George Bush, Sr. Hmm. Seems like a strange guy to flip the coin. Insomniac beats us all to the joke when he says, “Atlanta calls tails. It is tails. George H. Bush does not care about the New Orleans Saints!”

Really, out of all the people they could have flip the coin they chose the father of the guy who was waiting until the next Olympic Games to send help to New Orleans?

Strange, indeed.