The Dennis Green Survival Rating

We’re running a new feature here at The Big Picture, called the Dennis Green Survival Rating. Because Green’s chair is so ass-burning hot, we thought we’d take a weekly look at how Green is surviving as coach of the Arizona Cardinals.

Much like EDSBS’s Chuck Amato Survival Meter, the Dennis Green Survival Rating will analyze just how screwed Green is by comparing him to royalty. Why royalty? Because, “if you want to crown ’em, crown their ass.” When Green reaches the “King” level, he’s as good as fired.

Dennis Green, you owe Matt Leinart a handjob. After the Cardinals got a win that will only hurt them come Draft time, Green is in decent standing this week.

Last week
Green’s chair was hotter than Erin Andrews. But after getting a much-needed victory, Green’s seat has cooled and his chances of survival are becoming better; some may call it natural selection, we’ll call it getting healthy at Matt Millen’s expense.

We’ll knock Green down to the Jester Level this week after his big victory. He’s safe for now, but don’t dare drop the soap, Denny: you’re not outta the woods yet. While Green, with a Jester Level Ranking, is technically moving in the right direction to save his job, it’s not exactly something to boast about.

To remind you, a jester is a fool or type of clown often associated with the Middle Ages. Green’s behavior this season has sure been foolish, but for the first time in nearly two months, the Cardinals’ play on the field was not comical.

In other news: After the Eagles’ Donovan McNabb went down with an injury, coach Andy Reid outed QB Jeff Garcia.

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