You’d have to have a fat head to buy a Fathead

Show of hands: who watches ESPN News during the middle of the day? You in the corner, don’t be shy.

Well, we do. (Our relationship with Steve Bunin and Michael Kim is borderline unhealthy). But we swear that The Hot List has only two sponsors: one is for some dick-hardening pill, while the other is for Fathead.

What’s Fathead? Well, it’s probably the stupidest fucking thing we’ve ever seen advertised or sold or created. Ever.

It’s a player, a logo, a helmet…really whatever. And it’s sticky on the back. So you peal it off and stick it on your wall — a life-like wall covering, if you will. (Though Matt Leinart doesn’t come with herpes).

Can you imagine having a giant replica of Ben Roethlisberger or Chad Johnson (their prime spokesmen) in your living room right next to the Marc Chagall?

We’re just speculating here, but the company has gotta be losing money. With celebrity spokespersons and endless advertising, we imagine that these things must need to sell like fucking malt liquor in Compton circa 1990 to break even.

And at $150 a pop ($150 for a sticky version of Chad Johnson?!) who’s buying these? Readers, if you are the owner of a Fathead, please let us know. We won’t judge you. We really just want to know if anyone’s buying these. (OK, we may judge you a little).

The company, seemingly doomed, did get smart and created cheerleader Fatheads. Now hornbags can presumably jerk off to a life-size version of your favorite Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.

Hmm, that may make both sides of a Fathead sticky…

In other news: The San Francisco Giants resigned Barry Bonds for one year and gave a second-year option on his oversized head.


14 Responses

  1. AMEN!

    These are the absolute stupidest things I have ever seen. I wouldn’t buy one if they were $5, let alone the price they are. I think the Fathead is like ESPNU or NFL Network… I’ve heard stories, and maybe these things exist, but I’ve certainly never seen actual proof of it.

  2. I’ve had the real thing, Cowboys cheerleaders that is. I’d rather have the Fathead poster. It has a better personality.

  3. When are they going to do one for NFL referees?

  4. mclean, if you’ve had the real thing — like a cowgirl — you gotta tell man. dude, just put some tape over her mouth and you have endless adult entertainment!

  5. Why pay $150 for a spank object on the wall when the internet will do the trick?

    Actual owners of Fatheads are “those fans” — the ones the rest of us really don’t want to know that much; there is dedication, and then there is giving off the obvious sign that you have given up on ever getting laid again.

  6. “those fans”

    nicely said, C.

  7. eddie guns – good idea, and speaking of guns, I bet an ed hochuli fat head would be popular with the ladies

  8. The fat head would be great to throw at with darts or ham slices. That’s about it.

  9. “Those fans.”

    So true.

  10. they can ride my fat head“!!!!!!!!

  11. I dunno, I personally think they are pretty cool. Definitely a cool addition to any basement.

  12. Mommy

  13. Sorry. I’ve been home for a few weeks so I finally gave into the itch (don’t want that first fix again ya know…? then I’m addicted all over again. you know how hard it is to concentrate at work, when you’re wondering what you’re missing on sportscenter and mike and mike???). So I’m watching ESPN2 and I see the comercial for these “FATHEADS”. I’m thinking, what the fuck is a fathead? I google it. I get you’re blog as a first hit (ya shit is funny as hell by the way). You answer my question and give me great laugh at 8 AM EST. I’m loving it!!!! Thanks.

    FATHEADS??? Oh… them mutha fuckas are an abosolute waste of money. Can you say stuooopod??? I’d rather waste $150 on a few bottles of Patroń first… (wasting the money from throwing it up the next morning that is)

    Be kind to someone today…


  14. I agree on buying a Fathead, though you can create your own,with your own pictures (like of your kid) at

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