Tim Legler’s engaged! And she’s hot! Whaaaat?

The Big Lead — always good for sports gossip and such — dug up this old-fashioned wedding announcement Tuesday.

According to the Philadelphia Daily News, Tim “Legs” Legler of ESPN fame is getting hitched Oct. 10 to a major piece of ass — Philadelphia Eagles cheerleader Christina Fuller (who is 12 years his junior).

According to Christina’s bio, the quickest way to her heart is to make her laugh, which makes one wonder if Legler — who prior to his NBA Analyst days played for five NBA teams — is more entertaining in person than on TV, where he does his best impression of a brick-wall on a nightly basis.

Christina also enjoys Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries, though we call big time bullshit on that one. Just look at her! There’s no way she’s on anything but the “Lettuce and Water Diet.”

While the above photo makes Legler’s new bride look like a perfect fucking 16, don’t let the make-up, hair, and pink number fool you. Without her being all dazzled up, she’s only like an eight.

But we’re not here to find flaws. This gal is a knockout and it makes one wonder what kind of poon-tang actual basketball players are tapping. Legler, because he played for the Warriors at one point, makes him half an NBAer at best. And we’re positive that Christina loves Legler solely for his charming personality and gelled hair. She probably doesn’t even know about Legler’s dark past in the NBA.

Oh, and we got five bucks…make it 10…that those puppies are real. Takers?

Advertisements

It’s Media Day at The Big Picture

Because it’s Media Day in Miami, and because we like to tell people we work for the media and interview people and shit (not far from the truth, actually) we caught up with both head coaches for Sunday’s Super Bowl. Albeit brief, Lovie Smith and Tony Dungy were kind enough to sit down with us for a nice chat.

What follows is the transcript of our discussion. Naturally the topic of race came up, but remember, it was all in good fun…

The Big Picture: Thanks for hanging out, guys.
Lovie Smith: My pleasure.
Tony Dungy: You are welcome.

TBP: So, um, yeah, Miami’s pretty fun.
Lovie: I haven’t been out much.
Tony: Me neither.
TBP: Mini bar, huh?
Tony: I don’t drink.
Lovie: Me neither.

TBP: Haven’t hit the streets? But there are all sorts of hookers and shit.
Lovie: I’m happily married.
Tony: I am also married.

TBP: Happily?
Tony: Yes.
TBP: Bullshit.
Tony: Excuse me?
TBP: Ah, never mind, justfuckedyourwife…
Tony: What?
TBP: Bless you is what you’re supposed to say.
Tony: Oh.

TBP: So Lovie, how long have you been a black coach?
Lovie: What?
TBP: Haha. See, that’s an old joke that we reporters use. See, funny thing is, you’ve always been black!
Lovie: Yes, that’s true.
TBP: Tony, don’t lie to me either you shrewd cat, you and Lovie have been talking about being black, right?
Tony: We discuss many things.
TBP: Like being black.
Lovie: We also talk about football.
TBP: Is it true what they say about black guys?
Tony: What is it that they say?
TBP: That you’re hung like a fucking kielbasa.
Lovie: It’s true.
Tony: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Lovie: You fucking dogger, Tony. You got baby-dick, huh?
TBP: You have fucking baby-dick?!
Tony: I don’t have baby-dick.
TBP: You lying son of a bitch! You have baby-dick.

Tony: We are playing a game you know…
TBP: Fuck the game. Why the hell do you think we’re here for Media Day? We don’t give a fuck about Peyton’s thumb. We don’t give a fuck about how Rex is going to handle the pressure. We want human interest stories.
Lovie: I’ll give you a human interest story.
TBP: Please.
Lovie: I’m an African American coach.
Tony: Me too.
TBP: Did you know that Eli Whitney was white?
Lovie: Yes, I did know that.
TBP: Like, “What the fuck?” Cotton gin motherfucker is a piece of fucking Wonder Bread. Cracker ass bitch. Thought he was a brotha. But no.
Tony: That is correct. He was a Caucasian male.

TBP: You know what we love?
Lovie: Hookers?
TBP: Well besides that.
Lovie: Football?
TBP: That too. But we’re totally down with those fucking yams. Ya know, the ones with butter and brown sugar and marshmallows and shit.
Tony: I’ve never eaten that before.
TBP: Shut the fuck up, Tony. Is this your interview?
Tony: Why, I think it is.
TBP: We’re outta hear. We got plenty to go write an article about. In fact, we already have the lede set:

MIAMI — By the numbers: Two teams. Two African-American coaches. One baby dick…

(Check out KSK’s fun sit-down with Colts’ center Jeff Saturday).

Latrell Sprewell is indirectly feeding his family

A while back, SI mastermind Rick Reilly wrote a column titled, “Getting by On $14.6 Mil” that looked at just how selfish choker (note the dual meaning) Latrell Sprewell is.

Now it seems that Spree will be coughing up enough money to not only feed his family and his babies’ mama, but to probably buy a small country in the South Pacific.

From the wire report:

The mother of four of former NBA star Latrell Sprewell’s children sued him for $200 million Monday, alleging Sprewell broke their long-term cohabitation deal and roughed her up last month in their Westchester County home.

Um, how many children does Spree have? That blockquote there implies more than the four he’s helping feed with this nice chunk of change. Is he like the underground Shawn Kemp? We sorta feel that Kemp liked the idea of everyone knowing that he’s got a kid in every state, in every color, and in every sex. He picks his kids like fucking tennis shoes. Perhaps Spree is like a closet father or somethin’.

But Spree may be giving the Rain Man a run for his money. Maybe Sprewell has many kids and many baby mamas he knocked up — and knocked around, evidently — while on the road.

And for $200 million, shit, we’d take care of Spree’s kids. All of them. Fuck it, we’ll open a whole day care for them. We’ll still call Sprewell a dick-muncher though. Cuz he is. Dick-muncher.

The rollercoaster ride that is was Barbaro’s life

One minute he’s fine, one minute he’s on his last leg (get it! Get it! Nudge, nudge). What’s it gonna be?

The news on Barbaro has turned sour once again, as SI.com reports:

The Kentucky Derby winner suffered another significant setback over the weekend, and his fight for survival may have reached a critical point.

After Barbaro developed a deep abscess in his right hind foot, surgery was performed Saturday to insert two steel pins in a bone, one that was shattered but now healthy, to eliminate all weight bearing on the ailing foot.

The procedure is a risky one, because it transfers more weight to the leg.

Uh oh. This sounds bleak. But things a while back seemed bleak. It’s like the fucking Matterhorn! One day things are all sunshiny, the next week Elmer’s is getting all excited again.

We’re among Babs’ biggest fans and we’ll root for him like we root for our favorite team. We’re pulling for you, Buddy. Hang in there. And don’t let those doctors tug you around. Leave that for the nurses. But you already know that…

(Edit: That’s it. They fucking killed him! They euthanized this filly-fucking stallion earlier today. Oh my…we’re like actually sad. Wow, Barbaro has become as big a part of sports culture as Barry Bonds, the Super Bowl or the NCAA Tournament. He’ll be missed greatly. May you find happiness in the next life, Babs, and tell Seattle Slew he’s a little bitch).

Fans will go to lengths to keep A’s in Oakland

So this video is old, and looks like Deadspin had it like two months ago when it was actually relevant, but fuck it, it’s white guys doing something with ghosts and riding.

Fremont: “A parking lot with a mayor.”

Yeah, ghostride that shit!

D-League mascot to make sweet love with Stanford Tree

OK, that headline’s a bit misleading — there will not be any love-making between two mascots. Not that we know about, anyway.

The Austin Toros’ mascot, Da Bull, nearly cost the D-league team a win the other night.

The mascot, known as Da Bull, prematurely ran onto the court and hung from the rim with .4 seconds remaining, apparently to punctuate center Loren Woods’ breakaway dunk that gave the Toros a four-point lead over Colorado.

While hanging from the rim, the Toros detailed in a news release Thursday, Da Bull collided with a Colorado player. At the point of contact, the mascot’s head, to his horror, fell to the floor.

The Toros were assessed a technical foul. The 14ers’ Von Wafer made the free throw, but Rick Rickert missed a 3-pointer that would have tied the score as time expired.

Oh, so that’s where Loren Woods is.

Here’s more:

Da Bull was suspended for two games and assigned by the team to 50 hours of community service. A replacement mascot will perform in his absence; Da Bull is expected to return to duty Feb. 2 when the Toros play the Bakersfield Jam.

A few things:

1. Was there alcohol? Like with Tree?
2. Just 50 hours of community service? Throw him in the fuckin’ clink!
3. The team is named the “Toros,” so shouldn’t the mascot be called El Bull?
4. When El Bull’s head came off, it was discovered that James Earl Jones was playing the part of the mascot.

(Big ups to tipster “kickers_suck” and With Leather for the story).

In other news: According to sources, despite being injured, Yao Ming led all Western Conference players in All-Star voting because, “he’s Asian.”

Blogger Interviews: Who Shot The Cavalier?


We’re running a segment here at The Big Picture where we’ll interview some of the biggest names in the sports blogosphere. What’s the point? Well, these guys spend countless, thankless hours writing, so a little recognition from time to time is well warranted. Think of this as the blogger’s version of a reach-around or something.

Joining us today is The Cavalier from the very funny, very visually-pleasing YAYsports! NBA. The YAY is a wild spot to go for fun with the NBA and all things NBA-related. They’re also putting out a movie that’s bound to be off-the-wall good, titled, Who Shot Mamba? The YAY has its own clothing line too and you can — and we recommend you — buy their shit here. You’ll be like that “cool kid” we often refer to. Their Renaldo line has been featured on this site a few times. So please help us welcome The Cavalier and be sure to support Who Shot Mamba? It’ll be worth it. We promise.

1. The rundown:

Name: The Cavalier
Age: 6
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: Screenwriter/Actor
Favorite team: Cleveland Cavaliers
Links to your favorite all-time posts you’ve written. (3-5): All my favorite posts were mangled in the dreaded sever move of December 2005 except a few. This is one of my dumbest ever, but for some reason it really worked for me.

The All-Star 1-on-1 Tournament, The Crepes Are in the Oven, Mamba’s Makeover, there’s a bunch more. Yeah, they’re all gone. I have the jpegs, and will have them all reformatted and back up for when Who Shot Mamba? comes out. So many of them are referenced in there or incorporated into the storyline, and I really want the uninitiated to be able to go back and see the source material.

Time per day spent blogging and perusing the blogosphere: Ideally about four hours, but the past few months it’s been like one if I’m lucky. I hope to get back to normal soon, but I have a feeling it’s gonna be hit and miss.

2. What was the motivation for starting YAYsports! ? Girls? Money?

Ah, the secret origin of YAYsports!. It goes back to the summer of 2005, when one of my friends was going on the reality show Big Brother. We made a plan for me to blog as if I was him doing it secretly from inside the house, and people would wonder if it was really him or not. We had planned for him to do and say certain things on certain days, and I would “call his shot” before he did it – like we planned for him to shave his goatee on a certain day, and I made to sure to write a post saying “I’m thinking about shaving” the day before. It worked great, and it was a big mystery for a while among the show’s fanatics as to whether it was really him or not. Like 12,000 people a day were reading, and I was like “whoa — that was interesting. Also easy.”

Thus, I decided to start a general sports blog. After two days I remembered I only truly love the NBA, and that was that. As a writer, I find blogging valuable, just from the standpoint of you end up doing that “write every day” thing automatically, plus there’s a nice sense of completion with each post, which is something you don’t get on a daily basis writing something longer like a screenplay.

(BTW you can see that Big Brother blog here. Note the early, crude Photoshop jobs. It’s like watching history!)

3. Most blogs that post a few stories per day — like the YAY — have the hurdle of finding a good story to report and then to actually write about it. You do that, and then in addition, do some of the funniest, awesomest Photoshop work we’ve seen. Two-part question: 1.) How did you develop those Photoshop skills and 2.) how much extra time does it add to a post having to make some creative pictures?

It’s funny you ask that question on this particular day, when I haven’t written anything since Monday and took the entire month of December off. Anyway, we move on, yes?

The Photoshop stuff was (and continues to be) just practice and trial/error. My sister (who I live with) is a fashion designer and went to like art school and stuff, so she knows it really well. She would kinda show me one thing, which would open doors to other things. Yeah, that’s the long way of saying I taught myself. When I started the site, I knew I wanted to do something different than news/stats/analysis, and the Photoshop stuff really helped me add to that.

As to the time factor, it really depends. The thought bubbles are fairly quick. Adding two extra arms to Dwight Howard takes a little longer.

4. Take us through the whole Scoop Jackson and “Orange Roundie” fiasco. Still pissed? It probably helped bring some much-deserved recognition to the site, so is there some silver lining from this situation?

That was a disaster, mainly because the day it happened, I was switching servers, and switching blogging software from Movable Type to WordPress. And of course, that was like the day before my December break, as well. I’m sure it brought a lot of new people, all of whom showed up and wondered whether this ugly site was even still active.

Am I still mad about the Roundie thing? No, not really, but about Scoop…just the idea of using someone else’s concept…any and all legalities over my ownership of the name “Orange Roundie” aside, that’s just like complete creative bankruptcy. I can’t fathom how someone could do that. It’s retarded. The when his reaction was like I should be flattered that it happened? Fuck, you can’t say that to someone with an ego the size of the one I have. It’s massive and explosive.

On top of that, in addressing it, he would email Deadspin and ask Will to forward emails to me. Because I’m so hard to contact directly, right? I never really understood that. I’m sure Scoop is a nice enough guy, but I’m probably going to make fun of him in some way for the duration of YAY’s existence.

5. Dream job? Go.

Making movies is fun. I love it. More money and power to do the projects of my choice is the ultimate goal of course, but the job I’m doing now is the only thing I want to do.

6. You’re making a movie! Who Shot Mamba? Um, how’s that going? (We donated money, by the way, so we’re like those curious investors). Oh, and as a side note, the photo that reads, “Who did Stephen Jackson Shoot?” gave us a good belly-laugh.

Thanks — I liked that one, too.

Who Shot Mamba? is going…it’s going. Come interview me again about Mamba in like mid-February. That’s about when the push should start. It’s coming, and honestly…it’s been hell getting it done. But good hell. I’ve worked on other films and shows in various capacities, but this is the first movie I’ve ever taken from scratch and actually made myself. (Hardly “myself” — I’ve had a ton of help from some really talented people). The upside is that it’s actually really, really good, which is hard to do, especially on a small budget. I promise it’ll be worth it.

As for the length of time it’s taking, all I can say is that when I do something, I’m going to make sure it’s right, or I’m not doing it. If that means shooting one scene nine different times on nine different days, that’s what’s going to happen. I can only thank everyone for being patient with me — both those who work on the film and those who are waiting for it. (Again, it’s not me, me, me — I’m like number three or four on the list of reasons this film is good. This is my interview, though).

7. There are all sorts of wonderful blogs out there. A few you’d recommend?

First of all, I’ve got like EVERYBODY on my FeedDemon RSS reader, so please, nobody take offense if I don’t mention you here. Yes, I even have kwamebrownsucks.com, which started like last week. (Also see the next question for more blogs, since I don’t want to double-mention).

Currently, I’m in love with Dan Steinberg’s DC Sports Bog. If I had access, that’s what I’d be doing, right there. Detroit Bad Boys has a great balance between being serious and more casual, which I think is essential for a blog. I really like Globetrotter — I wish he had time for more content. Jones on the NBA — same deal. Need4Sheed, SacTownRoyalty.

I love The Basketball Jones when I make the time for it — this would be easy if I could figure out how my iPod works. I have like eight songs on it because I can’t jigger iTunes to do anything I want. It’s the Rocky IV soundtrack — I have to hide the screen at the gym, because something about listening to “Eye of the Tiger” while you work out is a little too awesome. That said, it’s very effective. (Do you like how you ask me about other people and I bring it back to myself? Myself lifting weights, no less! I have a sickness).

Non-sports blogs, I hit up Defamer, Better Than Fudge, a bunch of movie/entertainment blogs, and a few blogs about blogs.

I’m also obsessed with checking my ranking on LowPost.net, and my low output this week is killing my rise back into contention for the top spot. (Again, about ME).

8. YAYsports! gets a great readership now. The content speaks for itself, but it needs to get out there somehow — especially at first. How’d the initial promotion for the site go? Message boards? Email strings? And a piece of advice, if you will, for some smaller sites how to build a steady readership?

The best piece of advice I would give to someone starting out is to find something you can do that nobody else does. Like HoopsAddict has really tried to do this with their efforts to interview authors and stuff. TrueHoop launches investigations and does like actual reporting. Wizznutzz — like, my crap can be imitated pretty easily, but that site is a true original. I love it. Celticsblog has made an effort to like create a huge community. I put “like” into like every sentence I write — people enjoy that. SunsGossip — the cartoons — love ’em.

Just find a way to do something unique. If you’re gonna write game recaps and spit stats, people can read that 50 other places — they’re not gonna come get it from you unless you’ve got something different to offer.

That said, the audience for sports blogs just isn’t what it is for the political and celebrity blogs. Deadspin’s the leader by far, and they get what — 200,000 unique visitors per day? What’s Perez Hilton get — like 2.5 million I think? Basically, if you’re getting in to get rich — pick a different thing to blog about. The stats say that famous people getting married, having babies, and showing their vaginas really draws ’em in, so prepare to wait for the sports audience to arrive. Personally, by the time it happens, I think blogs will have tranformed into something else altogether.

9. Any interesting job offers after building yourself up as a top blogger? Graphic design maybe with those Photoshop skills?

No graphic design offers, but I do get a lot of people emailing me asking how to Photoshop and “how to be funny”. I answer the first question with a “I would but I really wouldn’t know how.” For the second one, I have a 17-page document I wrote that explains how to watch basketball and then create humorous word pairings based on what you’ve seen. It’s a very precise formula.

The only other things of significance that have come through have been offers to write for other sites (for free!) and a few literary agents offering to represent me. I’ve also been offered sex, which was cool. It was a dude — that part was not as cool.

10. You guys recently switched over the YAY to a new server or something computery like that. How come? Was it worth it?

Like I always say on Mamba, if someone asks me a technical question, “I just write the jokes and then say the jokes on camera.” As far as YAY goes, I spent a lot of time writing and not as much looking into the technological part of the whole blog deal.

So yeah — with my traffic level, I was paying like $250 a month to the bastards at LivingDot DOT ASS to host YAY. Then one day I was like, “Man, that seems like a lot. How do all these people afford all these websites?” I was quickly informed you can get 100x the bandwidth I had for like $6 a month. That’s when I was like, “Man, you’re pretty fucking dumb.”

(Unfortunately, in the switch, I’d guess 60-70% of my Photoshop work is no longer viewable online, hence my struggle to answer the “favorite posts” question).

Of course, the new place is slow as hell. If they don’t straighten out soon, I’ll need to switch before Who Shot Mamba? is released on this crude, unsuspecting world. It’s gonna change everything, y’know.

11. Most rewarding parts of blogging? Most frustrating?

Most rewarding is when Scoop Jackson steals your orange-hued orbital character and literally the entire NBA blogosphere jumps to your defense. That was awesome. It’s a cool community to be a part of.

Even with my reduced output the past three months, I also have some fiercely loyal readers, and that’s just a nice feeling. I really feel appreciative that people read what I write — I’d like to shake their hands and say thanks. I know that sounds like a joke, but it’s sincere.

There’s really nothing frustrating about it. It’s not my career, so there’s really nothing “at stake” for me or anything that’s making it feel like a burden. It’s fun — if it’s not one day, then I’ll stop.

12. We’ll get you outta here on this: You’re an NBA guy after all, so who do you like coming out of the loaded West to rep the conference in the NBA Finals? And give us your team from the East and one decent reason why they won’t get swept by the superior Western Conference team.

Geez — it’s early for this. I think it’ll be Dallas-Miami again. Mainly because the rest of the East is just kinda average at best. Unless LeBron decides he’s actually interested at some point this year — that changes everything.

(Past interviews; also found on right sidebar: Dawizofodds; Matt Ufford; The Mighty MJD; Jamie Mottram; The Big Lead).