Nate Robinson is a slam-dunk to repeat

Repeat as the winner of the NBA Slam Dunk Contest, that is. (And don’t you love that headline? It’s sort of a play on words. We thought about showing the headline to our newspaper-y boss, but then remembered he doesn’t like the word “fuck” (1) and we’re about to use the word fuck (2) 13 more times in this post).

Our boy Nate Rob, all 5-foot-7.75 (that’s totally the 2007 way of writing five feet, seven and three quarters inches) of him, will attempt to defend his Slam Dunk Contest crown during the NBA All-Star Weekend in Vegas.

We’re really not too concerned/interested about the actual Dunk Contest. Nate’s gonna win and he’s gonna jump over a tank of fucking (3) sharks with laser beams to win the thing. We’re far more interested in what Nate’s going to do in Vegas. Las fucking (4) Vegas!

Scene: Nate goes to trendy, overpriced club:

Bouncer: You have to be 21 to get in.
Nate: I am fucking (5) 21, fuck (6) face.
Bouncer: No, no you’re not.
Nate: I play basketball, man.
Bouncer: High school?
Nate: N-B-fucking (7)-A.
Bouncer: What team?
Nate: Knicks, biatch.
Bouncer: Oh, I’ll have to check with my supervisor

Scene: In (da) club

Nate (to girl): You want a spin on Mr. Robinson’s Wild Ride?
Girl: How tall are you?
Nate: 6-8.
Girl (giggling): No, you’re lying. You’re like 5-foot-7.75.
Nate: You’re right, I am lying. I’m 6-9.
Girl: Do you want to go somewhere and talk?
Nate: You mean fuck (8)?
Girl: Yeah.
Nate: Yeah.

Scene: Waiting in line for New York, New York rollercoaster

Attendant: You have to be six feet to go on this ride.
Nate: I’ll show you something that’s six feet.
Attendant: I’m sorry you can’t go on this ride.
Nate: I’ll ride your fucking (9) girlfriend all night long if you don’t let me on, dickwad.
Attendant: Will you not do that if I let you on the ride.
Nate: No promises.

Scene: At strip club

Stripper: Hey baby, want a dance?
Nate: Who ya calling a fucking (10) baby? I’m all man.
Stripper: I can tell.
Nate: Will you take off your shoes so you’re not so tall?
Stripper: I’ll do anything. Anything.
Nate: Will you read to me?
Stripper: What?
Nate: Goodnight Moon. It’s my favorite.
Stripper: What?!
Nate: Just fucking (11) with ya, Sweetheart. Let’s dance.

Scene: Hanging out at Dunk Contest with Carmelo Anthony and J.R. Smith

Nate: You guys suck.
J.R: Haha, funny. Asshole.
Nate: Carmelo, you fight like a bitch.
‘Melo: Fuck (12) you.
J.R.: Yeah, fuck (13) you.
Nate: When I dunk over Yao Ming, you two can go fuck (14) yourselves.
J.R.: Good luck dunking over Yao, Gary Coleman.
Nate: Gary Coleman just fucked (15) your momma.
(By the way, Dwight Howard, Gerald Green and Tyrus Thomas will be your runners-up, in no particular order).
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4 Responses

  1. HAHA! Wow you certainly used the f-word several times! That was hilarious! Great work!

  2. This Bad Boy is putting is money down On Gerald Green.

    Yes. The Celtics to win! WHY???

    Word has it that he is using Arena rafters as props……

  3. This Bad Boy is putting is money down On Gerald Green.

    Yes. The Celtics to win! WHY???

    Word has it that he is using Arena rafters as props……

  4. I too am picking Gerald Green to win this one.

    The Celtics have to win SOMETHING in February, don’t they?

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