Calvin Johnson is fast

The “C” on his right shoulder is for, “Can’t touch me, Asshole.”

If you haven’t caught on by now, we have a big time man-crush on Georgia Tech wide receiver Calvin Johnson. He’s tall, he’s athletic, and he’ll make your average defensive back look like a fucking elf.

Johnson just furthered his reputation as a well-hung stallion by running faster at the NFL combine than the speed of fucking light and sound combined. *

Johnson wasn’t going to originally run, but when he saw his potential to get grown men to drool, he opted to perform.

You’ll keep hearing how CJ borrowed shoes from a friend — East Carolina quarterback James Pinkey — but that doesn’t matter.

Johnson could have run a 4.31 40 over hot fucking coals. Broken glass? Why the hell not? He’d run that shit barefoot.

We view CJ as a Superman like figure. It’s a bird, it’s a plane, no wait, it’s Calvin Johnson scoring a motherfucking touchdown. His kryptonite was a coaching staff and quarterback who didn’t throw his way 60 times per game.

Hell, put Johnson behind center. He’ll throw the ball to himself. He’s that good.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers — who will likely select Johnson with the fourth overall pick — better get the idea. Johnson will put points on the scoreboard and fans in the seats. And he’ll run fast too. Just give him the ball. Hey, let him play defense. He’s quick, ya know.

*Not an accurate statement. His 40 time was between 4.31 and 4.35 seconds.


5 Responses

  1. I would pay lots of money for him to fall to the Vikings at #7… hey, a man can dream, can’t he? 😦

  2. Why Calvin Johnson will be an unqualified success wherever he goes:

    The man played for Chan Gailey. He has survived shitty coaching; it won’t kill him in the league like so many others.

  3. hahahah that post was funny as hell, i tip my cap

    he’ll run that shit barefoot

    CJ 4 President

  4. A small paper in North Carolina broke the true “shoe story” about three weeks ago. As it turned out, all anyone had to do was ask ANYONE involved. Here’s the link: Passing the Test

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