"Would you do…" Tournament: No. 7 Rachel Nichols vs. No. 10 Sam Ryan

(If you don’t know what the hell the “Would you do…” Tournament is all about, read this first).

Is Nichols your darkhorse? Or is she an early exit?

No. 7 Rachel Nichols:


Why we might: If you watch Nichols do an ESPN report, you’ll notice that this redhead doesn’t blink. Like ever.

That really has no impact on our decision, except we’ll go ahead and speculate that she doesn’t, um, gag, either. We see cucumbers, kielbasas and tree branches coming into play.

Why we might not: We can’t rule out that a threesome might involve another dude. Nichols might be the type who bangs other dudes while her husband watches in the corner, sips a mixed drink and strokes his dick beard.

A situation like that has all the makings for something going very wrong. This could be the type of threesome where you wake up the next morning without a major organ and just a note that says, “You can find your kidney at the local flea market. It’s being sold for $10 or best offer. Thanks for a good time. XOXO.”

Regular season “record”: 18 yes-3 no.

No. 10 Sam Ryan:


Why we might: Sam Ryan. Say it out loud. Everybody now. The name just sounds hot.
Why we might not: She graduated from Sachem High! Dirty slut! OK, not really. We have no idea what or where Sachem is. Though she’s born and raised in New York, so we imagine she has that, “Don’t fucking talk to me, asshole” attitude.
Regular season “record”: 14 yes-3 no.

Who will it be? Your lunch money depends on it…

Who would you rather do?
Rachel Nichols
Sam Ryan
pollcode.com free polls

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28 Responses

  1. Staredown over horseface.

    Nichols wins.

  2. I gotta go with Rachel here…she’s a red-head plus she has that sly dirty smile….I bet she is a FREAK!!!

  3. Is Rachel Nichols a television personality, or the Sasquatch? How was Zach not able to find more than three blurry photos of her? She’s totally hot, but with pics like those, she’s got no prayer. The fix is in!

  4. This is going to be a donnybrook!!!….

    This may rank right up there with the Kentucky-Duke or NC State- Houston battle….one day I will be able to tell my kids my kids about the great Nichols-Ryan war…

    BTW, about 2 years ago, Esquire rated Rachel Nichols as the most under-rated hot female sports reporter…I’m telling you, this chick would f*** the hair off your balls!!!

  5. I just an image of Rachel Nichols brushing my jizz out of her hair and that makes her a winner to me.

  6. This one will go the wire based on early voting. I went with Nichols just because she looks like a dirty slut who would wear your ass out………Ryan is attractive but might be the type who just wants to get it over to get to sleep.

  7. I’ll be honest, I went with Sam Ryan. Nichols is just weird looking to me. Kind of a hot weird looking, but more weird than hot. Same Ryan is a minx. Something about her does it for me.

  8. Rachel Nichols is a sprite and sprites aren’t real. I’m going with the thorough-bread (pun intended)

  9. I feel the urge to wear garlic around my neck and hold a stake in hand everytime Nichols comes on my TV.

  10. Ryan looks completely soulless. I would rather tag Barbaro’s corpse.

  11. If it was Rachel Nichols the actress then I vote Nichols, but in this case it just another ginger kid from South Park so I’m going with Ryan.

  12. [rant]

    Cannot STAND R.Nicols. She is a complete troll who makes me want to throw my remote at the tv everytime she appears. Her voice makes my skin crawl and I literally will change the channel or hit the mute button when she is on. Troll! So, I umm, voted for Ryan.

    [/Rant]

  13. Despite the fact that Sam Ryan looks like an exhibit in a wax museum, I went with her. Rachel Nichols seems like the type of girl that would go Fatal Attraction on you.

  14. Fatal Attraction makes for some super excitement. In this contest I always thing WWSCDF (who would sex cannon do first) and in this case its Nichols then Ryan.

  15. Is this going to be another Bush-Gore saga?….make sure no guys leave a hanging chad

  16. anonymous 4:49:

    yeah, weird. i was only able to find those three shots and all were tiny, so i had to blow them way up to make them visible.

    great comments so far, fellas! keep it up! we have our first tight match. might come down to the final possession.

  17. two of those Rachel pictures are the same! just for that I’m picking the upset. Give me Ryab

  18. What is wrong with you Zach! Rachel Nichols should be a top 4 seed. She is amazing. I want to go Tom Brady on her ass (impregnate her). Seriously though how is she barely winning?

  19. Rachel Nichols looks like a witch, gotta go with Ryan here.

  20. Gotta go with Nichols here.

  21. While I went with Nichols, this was a tough call. But really we are fighting over semantics. The left side of the bracket is clearly the AFC to the right side’s NFC.

  22. Rachel Nichols got shafted on the seeding and she’ll likely face an early exit simply because there are very few good photos of her online. It’s a damn, damn shame.

  23. If Nichols gets eliminated, I quit reading your site. I can’t even believe you made her the 7 seed. I’d have her at 1 easily, and I don’t even like red heads, but she is just so damn hot.

  24. people people, you have to remember, the seeding was based on total number of yes votes when the lady in question was featured. Should zach have gone with percentage of yes vote? probably. but he didn’t. If zach did the seeding the top 8 seeds would all be blondes with fake tits, so let’s be happy he let the readers do the work.

  25. What the hell is wrong with blondes with fake boobs?

  26. hey, we bitch about the seeding, but notice no lower seed has won yet.

  27. sam ryan for sure. sachem high school is a huge high school in suffolk county new york (about 4500 students until they divided it into 2 high schools)….i bet they are sluts though…sam ryan would get it.

  28. Dude…how has this ugly redhead gone this far…she’s absolutely hideous

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