Would you do…Candace Parker?

Why we might:

The easy answer: To get closer to her championship ring.

The more in-depth answer: It’s her birthday next week, as she’ll be turning 21 on the 19th. So, for her birthday she’ll clearly want to get laid. Enter us.

And the fact that she’s 21. Yum.

Why we might not:

The easy answer: 6-4, 170 lbs. That’s like two of us.

The more in-depth answer: Remember the 2004 McDonald’s All American game? We’re sure you do.

Well, they had a dunk contest. And Parker participated. And she won. Controversy was on red alert because her dunk was…well, it was a dunk. That’s about it. And she beat out JR and Josh Smith. Fucking bullshit. Consider this spite.

The answer: Parker’s pretty cute. Pretty big. But pretty cute. Though we could probably go down on her without having to get on our knees. That’d be sorta cool.

For the record, let’s call it four Long Islands for us and some pills for her to stunt her growth.

All right, folks. The polls are open (nice new edition, huh?). But don’t shy away from the comments. If you’d do her, you must need some booze in your system, so let us know how many Long Islands it’d take to convince you (or her) to take a spin on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.

Would you do…Candace Parker?
Yes
No
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33 Responses

  1. I’m 6’2″. I think I can deal with 6’4″.

    Give me three LIs (two are for her) and a hell yeah.

  2. If she put on white make up and dyed her hair green she would look just like the Joker.

  3. I saw her in person….she is nice looking….

    So what she is 6’4″….it gives you more stuff to work with…

    Hell yeh I would do her and love every second of it….ZERO Long Islands….

  4. shes definitely cute but heres the catch…shes currently dating an alien. yes, the landlord, shelden williams. check one of the latest espn mags for confirmation…they are in the “who knows so and so better” the teammate or the spouse/girlfriend?

  5. The blacker the berry the sweeter the juice. 1 LI.

  6. I still maintain that Shelden Williams looks exactly like Ken Griffey after he drank the nerve tonic on The Simpsons.

    But that’s neither her nor there. Yes, I would do Candace Parker. I’m 6’1″. As Signal said, I think I can figure out 6’4″.

    Although we could never have a relationship. I wouldn’t be able to get past my jealousy of her ability to dunk.

  7. If she is fucking Williams (Griffey nerve tonic lookalike is great by the way), then clearly she has very low standards for boning. I’m down with the brown in this instance.

  8. I am stunned that almost half said no. Is this secretly a site for gay men?

  9. Definitely. I’m 6’4ish so the height isn’t a problem. Thats not a great pic of her either.

  10. I was about to say the same thing, wasting. She looks much better here.

    She looks a little like Al Harris in the picture Zach posted. Which is moderately disturbing because I voted yes before.

  11. mcbain, she looks good in that picture only problem is you can see how massive her shoulders are. In the one Zach posted shes at least turned slightly so you can’t see how big they are.

  12. Zero alcohol required. What an adventure it would be.

  13. Yes. Yes I would.

  14. I’ll be honest, she doesn’t really do it for me. Plus, at 5’9″ I’d probably get smooshed. 12 LI’s.

  15. I would walk across Long Island to rattle her rim.

  16. Give me some biscuits and I would sop up all 6’4″ of that….

  17. Good lord, look at the size of her. I’m thinking many of you have some stories about kissing a girl on her Adam’s apple.

  18. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I’m not really down with the brown or the Amazon.

  19. To the Big Picture,

    Im not sure where else to post this so i hope you read this. Just yesterday, Percy Miller a.k.a. Lil Romeo committed to Tim Floyd and the SUC Trojans. Thought you should know…

  20. thanks anon 11:58.

    i sorta heard about it, but now i might have to chime in. hilarious! maybe something for monday…thanks for the heads up man!

  21. Hell yeah, I’d bang Candace. I prefer taller chicks (5’6″ to 5’11” range), but 6’4″ is too much. But she’s got enough redeeming qualities. She wouldn’t be 6’4″ down on all fours.

    Seriously, Lil’ Romeo is gonna play for USC? Shit, I thought he just played ball in his music videos.

    And Lil’ Bow Wow is still 4’9″.

  22. I’d eat that pussy till it made me burp

  23. I went to school with her dad. Does that make it incest?

  24. I went with a weak no… 6’4” is just a little too much for me. I might be persuaded with other pictures.

  25. DEAR PARKER,U R MY COLLEGE IDOL FOR REAL..
    I ALWAYZ WANTED TO BE THE FIRST GIRL AND THE NBA,I KNOW ITS NOT POSSIBLE BUT ITS MY DREAM JUST LIKE YOURS..
    I WISH YOU COULD SEE ME PLAY BUT I KNO THERE’S NO WAY IN HECK THAT’LL EVER HAPPEN..
    BUT REMEBER MY NAME U MAY HEAR IT ONE DAY:LATALYA HAYES..
    IM GOING TO BE GOIN TO NORTH BULLITT HIGH SCHOOL,MAYBE U CAN CATCH A GAME ON T.V,KEEP DAT IN MIND.
    I REALLY DO WANT TO GO TO TENNEESSEE MY COLLEGE YEAR JUST LIKE U!!!!!

  26. Candace? Hmm I bet her pussy is sweet thus the name

  27. maybe 3 LIs, but as far as black basketball players go, Ivory Latta is a much more manageable 5’6″. She’s closer to cute than hot but still

  28. This has nothing to do with Candace Parker, but the mention of Shelden Williams gave me the desire to share that when my roommates and I were watching the NCAA Tourney a couple years back, we decided that Shelden Williams is probably a Klingon…maybe even their leader.

  29. hell im 6’7 i can dael with it too i will leke all over her damn thinking about her she making me hard right now it very very very hugh.

  30. I would make love to her so good that she would start stalking me. I’m also 6’5″, so her height is no problem. She is fine as hayllll….

  31. Of course I’d do her. I’d bang her gorgeous 22 year old ass like a rented drum.

    I’m a 6’6″ 38 year old black man. So, she’s pretty damn close to perfect in my book. If she had a big booty, I’d be stalking her.

  32. I would love to. She could manhandle me any way she wanted.

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