Would you do…Cat Osterman?

Why we might:

The easy answer: She looks awfully flexible. Check out this photo. She’s galloping like fucking Barbaro. Probably translates well in the sack.

The more in-depth answer: Switch hitter. No, not on the field, silly. Now this is just speculation — call it a very educated guess — but have you ever met a softball player who isn’t down with chicks?

What’s that? You have? Bullshit. She’s lying. Or you’re lying. Osterman definitely experimented in college. (Again, that’s speculation, but pretty damn certain speculation).

Why we might not:

The easy answer: Osterman is lanky as hell. She’s built like Yao fucking Ming. The only difference is that she’s a woman. And she doesn’t play basketball. And she’s not Chinese.

The more in-depth answer: As we already mentioned, she’s a switch hitter. Good, right? Sorta. Are we dealing with a man-hating dyke here or a lipstick lesbo? Something about the Longhorns softball team seems a bit butch. Put two and two together…

The answer: Ugh, do we have to? Hmm, she’s sorta, kinda, almost cute. Certainly not bad looking. But there’s nothing sexy about her. We see her getting more turned on by the thought of another perfect game than a foot-long kielbasa.

We’ll go on record saying six Long Islands for us — make ’em stiff — and a costume for her. Not that burnt orange uni either. Like a sexy nurse or something.

All right, folks. The polls are open (nice new edition, huh?). But don’t shy away from the comments. If you’d do her, you must need some (or lots of) booze in your system, so let us know how many Long Islands it’d take to convince you (or her) to do the Humpty Dump.

Would you do…Cat Osterman?
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32 Responses

  1. no, and i’m telling brenda what you say about softball players…

  2. Like I always said, I’d do most women….

    I’d do her just because of her name – Kat — but it would take 5 Long Islands and a shot of ouzo too…

  3. I always thought she looked pretty good but wanted her to be… I dunno. She’s almost there but like you said, not really sexy, even though I think she could be. I said yes because I bet if you dolled her up a little she could look pretty good. I’d say 3 LI’s.

  4. An absolute yes. I’m not getting the knock about being lanky. That’s much sexier than the last girl, Chyna Parker.

  5. After 4 LIs, but yes. This is starting to scare me, because I’ve said “yes” to everyone but C. vivian stringer so far…

  6. I’ve had good times with softball players, so I like to give them the benefit of the doubt (which is what most women have given me.)

    3 LIs and let’s go “yes.”

  7. This isn’t ‘Nam, there are rules.

    When dealing with softballers, you only take the middle of the infield, outfielders, and the occasional third basemen. Otherwise you’re trying to hang in with thoroughbreds. I’ll stick to my rules and say no.

    That said, it would probably be a yes if I were a handful of LIs deep.

  8. Couldn’t we do one of Brooks’ girlfriends instead?

  9. After a handful of LIs, she could play with my Bevo and hook my horns, if you know what I mean….

  10. only 50% of the vote? C’mon fellas she deserves better than that. I found a few shots where she looks pretty good (ok so most people aren’t gonna think she’s as hot as Jennie Finch), check them out:




    shit I might not need any long islands

  11. 2 LIs. I’d totally let her use me for the days where the silver bullet isn’t working and only a real cock will do.

  12. I’d bet she’s lightning fast on HJ’s…

  13. I’d do any coed with a body like this in a heartbeat. You kidding me? Any dude who needs to get drunk in order to nail this chick is gayer than Liza Minelli’s last husband.

    You gotta lower the bar (see Vivian Stringer) if you really want to make this thought-provoking.

  14. I agree with Gmoney….she probably gives a mean handjob…

    I can’t believe the vote is almost 50-50….come on guys, she may not be Erin Andrews, but she is young, fit, and like I always say – it’s all pink on the inside….

  15. wait, this chick has already pitched 20 no hitters and TEN PERFECT GAMES?? How hard is it to hit in softball?

  16. JMC and the others are right. You should be ready and willing to bone this chick sober.

  17. I’m afraid that’d be the face she would have if she saw me naked.

  18. for the record, this is my first no since linda cohn

  19. I would wear her out. She’s hotter than Jenny Finch. That’s probably why even though she pitches slower than Beer League, girls still can’t hit her. They’re trying to get a number.

  20. lesbo, for sure. i just happened to be an athlete at UT when she was there, and she was the ringleader of lesbo’s.

  21. She’s not okay looking. She is beautiful. And while she is lanky, she has a nice big ass, which tends to push out of her tight softball pants. Hell, she’s perfect looking, like the college girl next door

  22. This girl is hot. Extra hot since she’s so tall. Tall guys appreciate this, tall girls that are more ballerina than lumberjack.

  23. She is a true Goddess, the personification of the energies that shape and maintain the universe. Her beauty surpasses all others and her glory and grace are as pure as they are timeless. Any statements to the contrary are no doubt absurdly blasphemous.

  24. I would not hesitate in getting to know cat better. Perhaps her naysayers need to look in the mirror. You miss every cat you don’t hit!? wtf!

  25. I would not hesitate in getting to know cat better. Perhaps her naysayers need to look in the mirror. You miss every cat you don’t hit!? wtf!

  26. In a heart beat. Only athlete cuter is Ashley Force. Cat is one sexy lady. Not a les. She had/has a boyfriend from UT

  27. i do not think that cat osterman is a lesbian. I think that people have nothing better to do then to make rumors about someone is more famous then them. I think that if you wuldnt d ocat osterman that you are gay!!!!

  28. She is hot! The question shouldn’t be would you do her, more like would she do you… and she is probably out of most everyone’s league here.

    I met her once and she has the sexiest huge hands I have ever seen! I wouldn’t doubt if she could palm a basketball! They certainly would be great for a handjob.

  29. JMC’s pics make me a believer. I’m in. Conkers Deep.

  30. This whole thing is disgusting.Little girls look up to this woman with respect and now you pigs are just wrecking it. She is a great pitcher and has set records and one medals.Why do people have to go and say things like this?

  31. In your dreams. Whether gay, bi, or hetero–when it comes to you, Swinger, just chalk up another “strikeout”. IMO, the finest image of Cat is a b/w photo of her sitting alone in a dugout.

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