Horses can probably act. And by ‘probably,’ we mean ‘certainly.’

In readiness for Saturday’s (or Sunday? Saturday, right?) Kentucky Derby, here’s what it’d sound like if the Derby’s contenders re-enacted famous movie scenes. From a laughter filled email thread…

From Big Picture friend, D.O.:

Circular Quay: I told those fucks down at the league office a thousand times that I don’t roll on Shabbos!
Scat Daddy: What’s Shabbos?
Circular Quay: Saturday, Scat Daddy, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don’t work, I don’t get in a car, I don’t fucking ride in a car, I don’t pick up the phone, I don’t turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don’t fucking roll! Shomer shabbos!
Nobiz Like Shobiz: Circular Quay…
Circular Quay: Shomer fucking shabbos.
Nobiz Like Shobiz: Oh fuck it.

From Big Picture brother, Adam:

Street Sense: Who’s Any Given Saturday
Dominican: Ahh fuck!
(Beat)
Dominican: How do you shoot Scat Daddy in the back, agent Stormello? What if you miss?

From us:

Any Given Saturday: What does Marcellus Wallace look like?
Hard Spun: What?
Any Given Saturday:
What country you from?
Hard Spun: What?
Any Given Saturday:
What ain’t no country I ever heard of. They speak English in What?
Hard Spun:
What?
Any Given Saturday:
ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER! DO-YOU-SPEAK-IT?
Hard Spun:
Yes.
Any Given Saturday:
Then you know what I’m saying.
Hard Spun:
Yes.
Any Given Saturday:
Describe what Marcellus Wallace looks like.
Hard Spun:
What, I-?
Any Given Saturday:
[pointing his gun] Say what again. SAY WHAT AGAIN. I dare you, double dare you, motherfucker. Say what one more goddamn time.
Hard Spun:
He’s b-b-black.
Any Given Saturday:
Go on.
Hard Spun:
He’s bald.
Any Given Saturday:
Does he look like a bitch?
Hard Spun:
What?
[Any Given Saturday shoots Hard Spun in shoulder.]
Any Given Saturday:
DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?
Hard Spun:
No.
Any Given Saturday:
Then why you try to fuck him like a bitch, Hard Spun?

You can name all three movies, right? They’re pretty much give-away quotes. Give us your best in the comments.

FYI 1: That’s a picture of two horses fucking. The one on top may or may not be Barbaro.

FYI 2: Our milk money’s on Storm in May.

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4 Responses

  1. dude, that’s not Barbaro. I’d recognize that fucking horse anywhere.

  2. The first one is OBVIOUSLY the big lebowski and the 3rd one is OBVIOUSLY pulp fiction. No idea on the second one…

  3. “How do you shoot the devil in the back?”

    Teuflesberg: No more shines, Bwana.
    Bwana Bull: What?
    Teuflesberg: I said, no more shines, Bwana. Maybe you didn’t hear about it, you’ve been away a long time, I didn’t go up, didn’t tell ya.
    Bwana Bull: Ah…
    Teuflesberg: I don’t shine shoes anymore.
    Bwana Bull: Relax, would ya. What’s got into you? I haven’t seen you in a long fucking time, and I’m breaking your balls a little bit, I’m only kidding with ya…
    Teuflesberg: Well, sometimes you don’t sound like you’re kidding, you know, there’s a lotta people here…
    Bwana Bull: I’m only kidding with ya
    Teuflesberg: S’ok.
    Bwana Bull: I don’t mean to offend you.
    Teuflesberg: I’m sorry.
    Bwana Bull: I’m sorry too.
    Teuflesberg: It’s okay.
    Bwana Bull: Salud, Tommy.
    Teuflesberg: Can we get some drinks? Everybody, drinks on the house.
    Bwana Bull: [Takes a drink] Now go home and get your fucking shine box!

  4. The second quote is The Usual Suspects. I’m glad someone knew the first one because I didn’t.

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