Franchise names that don’t make sense

Got a case of the Tuesday’s? Yeah, that didn’t write so well, but you know what we mean: the start of the work week is about as popular as rug-burns.

Anyway, we read a Simmons column over the weekend. We like Bill, but he writes a bit too long and a bit too often about Boston sports. Still, there’s a reason he is where he is.

In his list of reasons he loves sports, he had this item:

No. 929: The Utah Jazz
I will never get used to this: One of our most white-bread American cities roots for an NBA franchise named for a musical movement created by African-Americans. It’s genuinely insane. You can brainstorm with your buddies all weekend to come up with a name for a sports franchise that makes less sense — there’s no way you’re topping Utah Jazz. Not even with Dallas Indians.

OK, Bill. You’re on. We’ll get the ball rolling, but we’re counting on you guys to help us out big time in the comments. These can be real teams or existing nicknames with new cities that make even less sense than the Utah Jazz. Are you up for the challenge? Are you?

-Los Angeles Lakers
-San Francisco 76ers
-Philadelphia 49ers
-Houston Islanders
-Washington Canadiens
-Phoenix Reign
-Portland Hurricanes
-Miami Diamondbacks

Your turn.


21 Responses

  1. Minnesota Texans? (Or anything Texans that isn’t in Texas).

    As for a real one: Los Angeles Dodgers? What makes sense about that?

  2. As far as participating in this discussion, I’d rather go jet-skiing with Marquise Hill.

    That’s right, bring it.

  3. Detroit Gators.

  4. Kansas City Seahawks
    New York Cowboys
    Los Angeles Penguins
    Cleveland Jaguars
    Toronto Yankees

  5. Cincinnati Angels

    too easy

  6. New Orleans Hurricanes?

    Oh, right. I guess that makes perfect sense.

  7. Seattle Oilers.

  8. Do, uh, we really need to point out that the Jazz were founded in New Orleans and the Lakers came from Minnesota? That being said, there are many in the Los Angeles area who are boating enthusiasts, so it doesn’t seem as far-fetched as some make it. That being said, here is my offering:

    The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

  9. NFL Adam hit it on the head….I still call them Anaheim….or even California…..

  10. the Philadelphia Rebels and the Richmond (VA) Patriots.

  11. I think that’s the point, Adam. After these teams moved, they should’ve considered changing the mascot, because it makes less sense in the new city. Yes, many in LA are boating enthusiasts, but how many lakes are there in the area?

    Two more offerings:
    Toronto Dolphins
    Miami Maple Leafs

  12. Memphis Grizzlies

  13. Des Moines Metropolitans

  14. you guys are good at this game! keep ’em coming!

  15. Buffalo Heat
    New York Bucks
    Florida Panthers
    Jacksonville Jaguars
    Detroit Sophisticated

  16. Quick point to everyone…names like Panthers, Wildcats, and Jaguars are fine for any city. At this point, teams use it as a generic team name and are not trying to imply that the Panthers, etc. are indigenous to the area.

    Something more specific like the Gators works, however.

  17. except that the panther is the state animal of Florida, therefor making it make sense, if that makes sense

  18. Las Vegas Angels.

  19. Atlanta Yankees
    Minnesota Cowboys
    Miami Steelers
    Los Angeles Maple Leafs
    Phoenix Timberwolves
    Toronto Pistons

  20. I always remember that when they first moved from Houston, they were the Tennessee Oilers for a couple years.

    Boy, that stuck out like a sore thumb.

    I volunteer “Columbus Blue Jackets.” Then again, calling your team the Blue Jackets never makes sense, ever.

  21. Red Bull New York or the New York Red Bulls? The only thing worse than a team named after an energy drink that has nothing to do with the city/state is that they’re not sure what to call it.

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