Would you do…Annika Sorenstam?

Why we might:

The easy answer: She probably knows some wild things to do with a 9-iron.

The more in-depth answer: When not golfing, Sorenstam, 37, likes to cook.

Food and the bedroom — at least to us — are two very different things. Food is for eating and the bedroom is for hot animal sex. Mixing the two has never done it for us.

Still, if Annika likes to cook, by golly, we aren’t gonna get in her way. We’ll let her cook up strawberries, chocolate sauce and some Chicken fucking Marsala in our bedroom any day.

Why we might not:
The easy answer: The Swedish thing isn’t really working for her.

The more in-depth answer: There’s a difference between a woman being hot and being sexy. Make sense? Annika’s definitely a good-looking woman, but she doesn’t ooze sex the way, say, a stripper does.

Do we really like strippers? Yes. Do we find a way to mention them at all costs? Yes. End of discussion. If Annika was a highly-successful golfer who stripped on the side, well, we’d want to bang her more than we do now.

The answer: Tough call. We like knowing that she can handle a long stick. She might even get wild and try to shove one of those things up an unfamiliar hole. Seem fucked up? It is. But we hear (from TV) that it’s awesome! Let’s say five…err…eight Long Islands to lose all inhibitions, and she can make some fondue — the kind for kinky adult play — and we’ll have an enjoyable evening.

All right, folks. The polls are open (nice new edition, huh?). But don’t shy away from the comments. Want a golf club up your ass? You don’t? Pussy. You’ll surely need at least a drink before you give Annika a new club. Maybe six. Let the world know down below…

Would you do…Annika Sorenstam
Yes
No
pollcode.com free polls

NCAA might ban text messaging, talking

Here’s a conversation that may never happen again:

NCAA coach: what r u doin tonite
Recruit: ballin
NCAA coach: u should come to campus party
Recruit: girls?
NCAA coach: lots
Recruit: time?
NCAA coach: 930
Recruit: kewl
NCAA coach: u want play 4 us
Recruit: fo sho
NCAA coach: kewl

In the age of cell phones, text messages and oral herpes, the NCAA bigwigs can never be too sure of recruiting violations. So rather than let these immoral coaches get away with the crime of texting recruits, the NCAA is considering putting restrictions on texting.

Big deal? For you, probably not. Really Good Football Player A is still not going to play for Temple, and Duke will still be able to snag Awesome B-Ball Dude away from NC State.

It might make the lives of college coaches a little bit tougher. They’ll, ya know, actually have to talk to a recruit in person. And that usually means talking to the parents too.

And we all know Coach K would rather be one-nutted than have to talk to a player’s mother. Those moms can be so difficult sometimes.

Who do you start your MLB team with?

We’ve had a lot of fun with our Hypothetical Wednesday posts, so we’ll keep it going. If you missed any, catch up here.

Today’s question: If you’re starting a Major League expansion team, who’d be the one player you build it around?

Some things to consider:

-Age
-Popularity
-Will said player sell tickets?
-Durability
-How many tools?
-Versatile?
-Do you go with a pitcher who throws just once every five days?

If you want to say Pedro Feliz, that’s your right. Your team might hit into 800 double plays and lose 123 games, but, like we said, it’s your right.

Think of the comment section as Hot Staci from sales: turn that shit out!

Our top five will lead things off in the comments.

Blogger Reach-Arounds

“Blogger Reach-Arounds” is The Big Picture’s link dump that runs every Wednesday. But sometimes Thursday. But usually Wednesday. Send your links — current posts or those within the last week — to zachls5@gmail.com by Tuesday night.

1.) Ken Griffey Jr.: Not quite the star he used to be. The Musings of GMoney explains.

2.) More Credible with some fun with Laurence Maroney and that whole Kool-Aid thing.

3.) Two ways to deal with franchise suckage: relocate or…get new unis! The Pig Pen shows the Atlanta Hawks’ new get-ups.

4.) The Feed with your 2007 Breakout All-Star team.

5.) Stiles Points with a new series to get you ready for the college football season. Up first, the Ohio State.

6.) Randball tells us how Shawn Kemp is finding himself in some odd situations. (Enter out-of-wedlock child joke here).
7.) Your fun Wednesday soccer video courtesy of The Beautiful Game.

8.) Pretty messed up about this wrestler guy. One More Dying Quail was among his many fans.

9.) Black and Blue’s Orlando Magic Blog likes what the Magic are doing this offseason. See what they say after Thursday’s draft though.

10.) Larry Brown Sports with video of one heckuva riot. Paging Ron Artest…

Yao Ming could do like waaay better

Hey, Yao Ming’s getting married. To a woman.

China’s All Star NBA centre Yao Ming will wed his teenage sweetheart Ye Li from Shanghai in August, after an eight-year courtship, state press reported Monday.

“This is a match based on pure love,” the paper said.

Pure love. So that’s what they call it now. Ask Yao why they’re getting married and he’d say, “性是粪,” which is Chinese for, “the sex is the shit.”

The bed-play better be good cuz this gal ain’t exactly gonna turn heads. Um, do they make kegs of Long Islands? They better fucking start…

But her personality must be a 10. That, or she can do some wild shit with her tongue.

How not to market a low-profile sport

The San Jose Sabercats — best record in the American Conference, bitches! — might be playing good (indoor) football, but maybe they could provide the Las Vegas Gladiators marketing team some basic strategies.

The Sabercats squeezed by the Gladiators 73-46 Monday in Las Vegas, but playing a Monday afternoon game, there were only 26 people in attendance.

“There were only 26 people in attendance,” sources said.

That’s not entirely true. There were 5,000+ to watch San Jose win its tenth straight, but 5,000 people at a sporting event is more or less the equivalent of 26. Still, a 1:35 kickoff on a weekday, in Las Vegas, indoors, watching unknowns play football isn’t exactly the best way to attract fans.

The Vegas squad just doesn’t want to compete with dinner buffet crowd. Or strip club goers. Yeah. Strip clubs.

Shouldn’t Oregon State’s CWS victory be considered a huge upset?

Maybe it’s a good thing that Oregon State won its second straight College World Series title. We get to say Beaver a lot more than usual today. Beaver. Hehe.

After beating North Carolina for the second-straight year in Omaha (‘Heels/Beav a new baseball rivalry?), most folks who are actually talking about this (over/under set at six people) are mentioning the whole repeat factor.

And while that’s good and cool and neat and spiffy, there’s a bigger deal to be made of this. Oregon State winning the College World Series seems, to us, a big fucking upset.

The Beavers are the first team in like the history of college and baseball to win a CWS crown after having a losing record in conference. OSU was 10-14 in the Pac-10 and tied for sixth. The Beav also lost six of eight position players and two thirds of its pitching rotation from last year’s championship squad.

That’s crazy. Oregon State coach Pat Casey would agree.

“It’s crazy. It’s just crazy,” he said.

Yeah. Crazy.

Crazier is that the Beavers won the damn thing as a No. 3 seed, which is about the equivalent of a No. 9 or 10 seed winning March Madness. Villanova, as a No. 8 in 1985, is still the lowest seed to win the Dance.

Sure, OSU’s been here before and all that shit, but c’mon, this team wasn’t expected to make it past the first round.

We tend to get a bit preachy when it comes to college baseball, but it’s a fun game, good end-of-the-year tournament and now we have a dynasty (sorta) to talk about. So hail the Oregon State Beavers, who, undoubtedly, will be pulling beaver for the next few days.