The ArenaBowl is set!

It’s finally here! Finally! After weeks (weeks? months?) of build-up, the big game is upon us. And our team is in it! Sabercats, bitch! They’ll fucking kill your team and then kill them again. Mark Grieb is the Joe Montana of the Arena League and our receiver is cool too.

With ArenaBowl 21 (Roman numerals are for pussies) two weeks away in New Orleans, it’s time for the media to start its orgy of coverage. And if it’s anything like coverage fro the Super Bowl, we’re in for a special treat — in July, no less! The upcoming schedule looks something like this:

Today: A look at how both San Jose and Columbus got to the big game. And an in-depth look at how Arena Football differs from normal football.

Tuesday: An in-depth look at the contrasting styles the teams used to get to the big game. Columbus is a No. 6 seed and took the upset path, the Sabercats took no fucking prisoners.

Wednesday-Sunday: Analysis on Sabercats coach Darren Arbet being black and Destroyers coach Doug Kay being white.

Next Monday and Tuesday: Xs and…O shit, the Sabercats coach is black!

Next Wednesday: Predictions, position analysis, coaching edge. How the short field could be the factor.

Next Thursday: Human interest stories, focusing on how Coach Arbet’s family is black.

Next Friday: New Orleans as the host city. Sites to see, parties to go to, food to eat. Jokes not to make.
Next Saturday: Celebrity predictions. Jimmy Kimmel likes San Jose in a rout!

Game day: Analyst predictions. Position by position breakdowns. Whose uniforms are cooler.


6 Responses

  1. I was watching the end of one of the games this weekend, and Mike Greenberg kept talking about how Columbus making the Arena Bowl was one of the most unlikeliest sports stories he’s ever seen. But is it still unlikely and amazing if no one cares?*

    *no offense to people that do care.

  2. Hey, zach, you punk ass bitch, my DESTROYERS are going to roll right over the SabreCats(whatever the fuck that is). Best football team Ohio has ever seen and we will continue to run trains on the favorites. Matt Nagy, bitch.

    Arena smack rules.

  3. a black person coaching in arena bowl 21? this is a bigger civil rights movement than Rosa Parks on the damn bus!

  4. if that white guy in the middle wans’t there, me and my dad would be in that picture.


  5. Our team is in it too, bitches.

    Turf Toe World Headquarters is in C-Bus, you know, the epicenter of the modern sports world.

    We should make some kind of blog-related bet on the outcome of this monumental contest.

    I’m willing to put up some Anthony Thomas Chocolate Buckeyes or some Cheryl & Company cookies.

    What do they make in San Jose besides illegitimate children?

    Turf Toe

  6. Time for the SaberCats to get their 3rd championship!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: