"Would you do… Round 2" Tournament: No. 4 Brittany Jackson vs. No. 13 Candace Parker

(If you don’t know what the hell the “Would you do… Round 2” Tournament is all about, read this first).

It’s a Vol versus a Vol. Like the fucking Civil War.

No. 4 Brittany Jackson:

Why we might:
Blond hair, blue eyes, tan skin. Do we need to keep going?
Why we might not: She’s possibly a closest lezbo.
Regular season “record”: 89% yes-11% no.

No. 13 Candace Parker:

Why we might:
To get closer to her championship ring.
Why we might not: 6-4, 170 lbs. That’s like two of us.
Regular season “record”: 64% yes-36% no.

Which Vol moves on is up to you…

Who would you rather do?
Brittany Jackson
Candace Parker

"Would you do… Round 2" Tournament: No. 5 Amanda Beard vs. No. 12 Michelle Wie

(If you don’t know what the hell the “Would you do… Round 2” Tournament is all about, read this first).

No. 12s live to beat No. 5s. Will the trend continue?

No. 5 Amanda Beard:

Why we might: There’s a reason she’s done FHM.
Why we might not:
Two words: Run. Through.
Regular season “record”: 86% yes-14% no

No. 12 Michelle Wie:

Why we might:
She’s 17.
Why we might not:
She’s 17.
Regular season “record”: 69% yes-31% no.

Upsets are part of The Dance. Is it a part of “Would you do…”?

Who would you rather do?
Amanda Beard
Michelle Wie
pollcode.com free polls

"Would you do… Round 2" Tournament: No. 8 Danica Patrick vs. No. 9 Cat Osterman

(If you don’t know what the hell the “Would you do… Round 2” Tournament is all about, read this first).

No. 8 vs. No. 9. Heads or tails?

No. 8 Danica Patrick:

Why we might:
Make-up and airbrushes are wonderful things. Thanks, FHM.
Why we might not: Allow The Hater Nation to put things in perspective: “She looks like a mix between the ‘runaway bride’ and Terri Schiavo.” (Without make-up, yes. Yes she does)..
Regular season “record”: 83% yes-17% no.

No. 9 Cat Osterman:

Why we might:
She looks awfully flexible. Check out this photo. She’s galloping like fucking Barbaro. Probably translates well in the sack.
Why we might not: Osterman is lanky as hell. She’s built like Yao fucking Ming. The only difference is that she’s a woman. And she doesn’t play basketball. And she’s not Chinese.
Regular season “record”: 75% yes-25% no.

Who gets Stokke in Round 2?

Who would you rather do?
Danica Patrick
Cat Osterman
pollcode.com free polls

"Would you do… Round 2" Tournament: No. 1 Allison Stokke vs. No. 16 Serena Williams

(If you don’t know what the hell the “Would you do… Round 2” Tournament is all about, read this first).

Here we go, folks. A 16-seed has never taken down a one. Will history be changed forever?

No. 1 Allison Stokke:

Why we might:
She’s legal. Half your age + 7, motherfuckers! So: 23 ÷ 2 = 11½. 11½ + 7 = 18½. We’re gold!
Why we might not: Inexperienced.
Regular season “record”: 97% yes-3% no.

No. 16 Serena Williams:

Why we might: That ass has its own area code.
Why we might not: Did we mention that ass?
Regular season “record”: 51% yes-49% no.

Fate lies in your hands. Who’s moving on?

Who would you rather do?
Allison Stokke
Serena Williams
pollcode.com free polls

Teams we can all root against

It doesn’t matter what city they’re in, what sport they play, or what uniforms they wear. Certain teams fucking suck. And there are a lot of teams out there who, we believe, everyone can collectively hate.

So we put together a list — organized by sport — of some teams that we think we can all root against together.

Call us out in the comments if we’re way off. And, of course, leave your thoughts on the teams you personally hate (think: geographical reasons). Our list of teams we hate will lead things off.

Let the hate begin…


Red Sox
– Most obnoxious fans, evah. Fack you, ya facking queers.
Yankees – Like we need a reason.


– See Red Sox comment. And Brady’s a cockweasel.
Cowboys – You just know the owner of America’s Team was once a card-carrying member of the KKK.


Lakers – Yeah, ugh, Kobe raped somebody.

College football:

Notre Dame – Who’s on your side now, bitch?
Alabama – Really it’s just Nick Saban people hate. He’s a cunt.

College basketball:

Duke – A few reasons: Laettner. Hurley. Battier. Redick. Coach K.
North Carolina – Powder blue is a fucking girl’s color.

All right, folks. Spew your hate in the comments…

Charlie Weis is on MySpace

You’ve gotta head over to the always-hilarious Joe Sports Fan to check out Charlie Weis’ MySpace page.

Go. Right now. Don’t wait. Get on your horse and get moving, partna.

It will hands down be the funniest thing you read today. Unless, of course, you go re-read The Big Picture archives.

Introducing the "Would you do… Round 2" Tournament

So that big thing we were talking about earlier in the week…yeah, another “Would you do…” tourney! Our 16 women are ready to duke it out in a month-long contest to declare “most-fuckable” supremacy.

All of the voting that you’ve done hasn’t gone to waste. Not by a long shot. That served as our greatest measure of how to seed the entries.

Here’s how it’s gonna work:

-We’ll shoot to do a round per week, though we may spread the first round over two weeks.
-Voting (simple majority) on who you’d rather do will dictate who moves on.
-That’s pretty much it. It’s a basic fucking tournament. You know how this works.

With that, here’s the bracket and we’ll begin play next week.

See larger version by clicking on the picture.

Use the comments to leave your thoughts on who you think will win it all, darkhorses, the dangerous 12/5 match up, etc. FYI, we really like former Tennessee hoopster Brittany Jackson to make a deep run. Jackson and Stokke in the Final Four could be huge. And Beard, with her recent Playboy spread, could become a factor.

We highly recommend that you print out the bracket and start some office pools. If your friends at the office aren’t familiar with our little series, tell them it’s a sophisticated discussion about banging chicks who play sports. They’ll surely be down to join the pool.

Bet, bet, bet. Pete Rose has gotta be down.

As for that awesome bracket, well, we pretty much made it ourselves, using the first one as a model. But our friends at The M Zone gave us the template after constant pestering, so we’ll do our best to get them laid every day this tourney is going on.