Byron Leftwich is a Falcon

Byron Leftwich walks in to the Falcons locker room. He spots Joey Harrington and goes up to introduce himself.

Leftwich: Hey, I’m Byron.
Harrington: I know.
Leftwich: Yeah, we’re gonna turn things around here.
Harrington: Who the fuck is “we?”
Leftwich: Ya know, like the team.

Harrington: I know why they brought you in.

Leftwich: To help the team.
Harrington: Sure.
Leftwich: That’s why.
Harrington: Or to take my job.
Leftwich: Well, maybe you shoulda put up some more points.
Harrington: Well maybe you should go fuck yourself.

Leftwich: At least they didn’t bench you.
Harrington: Who would they’ve put in?
Leftwich: Who’s your backup.
Harrington: Chris Redman.
Leftwich: Oh yeah. He sucks.
Harrington: Casey Bramlet’s our third-string.
Leftwich: The fuck is Casey Bramlet?
Harrington: I dunno. He’s quiet.
Harrington: We also have D.J. Shockley. But he’s hurt.
Leftwich: You guys have D.J. Shockley?!? He’s fucking raw!
Harrington: His knee’s all messed up.
Leftwich: Fuck if I care. He could out-run your ass in a wheelchair.
Harrington: Thanks.
Leftwich: No seriously, Coach Petrino was playing you over an injured D.J. Shockley?
Harrington: Yep.
Leftwich: We’re fucked then.

Harrington: But aren’t you supposed to be the answer to our scoring woes?
Leftwich: I’m not the starter yet.
Harrington: Really?
Leftwich: I mean, I don’t think so.
Harrington: No shit. The fuck am I talking to you for then?
Leftwich: To welcome me to the organization.
Harrington: Fuck yourself, Backup. Go get me some water. Massage my fucking feet. You’re my bitch.

3 Responses

  1. Harrington is a joke. Leftwich probably won’t be much better. They’re fucked.

  2. The Falcons locker room coversations are hilarious!!!

  3. Not mentioned – The Soulja Boi dance competition between Joe Horn and Ovie Mughelli.

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