A Sunday afternoon at the gym

We choose to go to the gym sometimes. Not usually on the weekends — those are reserved for football and masturbation — but we went yesterday.

We don’t mess around with a 24-Hour Fitness or Gold’s or some shit like that. YMCA is the spot. It’s a bit ironic belonging there being Jewish and all, but the price is unbeatable, equipment’s fine and it’s usually really empty.

Going to the gym is OK. It’s pretty time consuming, but it’s worth it. Chicks fucking dig dudes who lift weights. Our amount of ass has increased exponentially since going to the gym. And if we were to ever have a chance with Carmen or Jenn, well, working out will help. Carmen and Jenn are suckers for dudes who pump iron.

Sunday was a quiet day at the gym. Just a few other people lifting and there was actually this pretty cute girl working out. She was small, fit and looked like the type who’d love to be thrown around the sack. We gave her bedroom eyes, she returned them, but we both kept our collective sexual organs away and went back to our workout. Nothing happened, but in a porno, we hands down would’ve been doing it doggy on the incline bench. But we worked out in peace, away from the 49ers’ offense, fantasy football bullshit and Joe Buck. It was therapeutic.

Hot doggystyle girl left, but then in comes this guy we’d seen around the Y before. Older dude…maybe late 50s, but he coulda passed for 125. He was Nicole Richie-thin, had wispy, graying hair and an unkept beard. Man, this beard was fucking awesome. If there were birds living in there, we’d be the least surprised. He probably hasn’t shaved since ’72.

Anyway, this guy starts doing some stretches and shit. We usually mind our business at the gym, try to keep our head down, avoid eye contact. But as this hombre was stretching, we couldn’t help but stare.

It sure looked like this older man was trying to suck his own dick. Like actually. He was really going after it. He even had the facial expression showing his hunger. Of course, he would’ve said he was just stretching or doing some yoga or pilates or whatever the fuck it is that older people do at the gym. But he was hands down trying to suck on his own cock. He would’ve done it too if we weren’t there. He was craving it. We were the only thing in his way.

We’re never quite sure what to think of a man trying to suck his ding dong. A BJ sure does feel good. But giving yourself one is a little, ugh, you know…

So yeah, that was a chunk of our Sunday, working out and watching a man aggressively go for his own joystick. What’d you do? Watch football? Pfft.


7 Responses

  1. Why can’t real life ever turn into a porno? Just once, just for a sec, just to see how it feels.

  2. Zach, you are my idol…I only wish to have a wild weekend like yours

  3. This is EXACTLY why I come here first thing in the morning. You know, for the self-fellatio tips.

  4. Fuck self-fellatio. I want those two cougars I saw at Lulu’s last night. On their knees. Sucking my dick. Damn being committed to one woman; denies you good pussy.

  5. makes me miss the college gym. so many hot little numbers in that place. put the YMCA to shame.

  6. I feel dirty imagining old creepy dude who could suck himself. Must think of dogstyle girl.

    Oh and didn’t Miss Carmen date/marry/have wild sex with Dave Navarro? He don’t look that big. He just plays guitar and has wicked tattoos.

  7. YMCA cheap? Biggest ripoff I’ve ever seen. But maybe that’s just the one in my home town.

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