Big Picture Categories: ESPN Analysts

King’s Cup might be the best drinking game out there. Everyone has their own version, there’s ample drinking and sometimes — on a few lucky occasions — hot chicks end up naked. One of the best “games” in King’s Cup is Categories, which often is represented by the Jack card. In Categories, the person who draws the card says a category (fast food joints, baseball stadiums, etc.) and everyone must go around the circle naming one until somebody stumbles. When that person fucks up, they drink. Make sense? Good.

[Editor’s note: We’re running low on these, so if you have any good future Categories (preferably sports-related), leave a comment or send an email to]

When you start breaking down the big games, there are none better than the gargantuan crew of ESPN analysts. They range from bull riding to the law and everything in between. Most of them are pretty good, though there are those few former athletes who can’t properly form a sentence or speak coherently.

Since we’ve been seeing plenty of ESPN “talent” on TV lately with the NFL playoffs, BCS shit and the NBA in full swing, today’s category will be naming all analysts on ESPN and the ESPN family of networks. Let’s keep this current, meaning everyone’s favorite, Harold Reynolds, doesn’t count. We’ll start and you guys continue in the comments. You can go again after every five comments. First person to blow it gets to play spin the bottle with Sean Salisbury.

We’ll start with one of our favorites: Kirk Herbstreit.

All right, TV fans. Spill your ESPN knowledge in the comments.


28 Responses

  1. One of my favorite human beings, the king of pep talks, Lou Holtz.

  2. The Playmaker.

  3. Todd McShay

  4. Desmond Howard!!!!

  5. Lee Corsco

  6. The Bachelor, and one of their best football analysts, Jesse Palmer

  7. Mark, if “The Playmaker” is Michael Irvin, drink.

  8. This is stupid, douchebag.

  9. Emmitt Smiff

  10. Hurricane Ditka, aka the guy that stifles honest debate by acting like your crazy grandpa if he doesn’t get dinner at 4:30pm sharp.

  11. Hey Long Duck Dong – GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!!!

    Jalen Rose

  12. Greg Anthony

  13. A-A-A-And Tom Jackson

  14. Jaws

  15. John “one nut” Kruk.

    God he sucks.

  16. Ron Jaworski

  17. Dickie V. (yuck) (does that count?)

  18. Steve “The Retard” Phillips

  19. Barry Melrose, mullet and all

  20. Jay Bilas

  21. Mel Kiper, Jr.

  22. Roger Cossack…There have been at least two fuck ups. Can we stop now so they can tell us how Salisbury’s ass tastes?

  23. Marcellus Wiley

  24. Two Idaho boys Mark Schlereth and Merril Hoge.

  25. jessie palmer.

  26. Ric Bucher

  27. what, no one got Peter Gammons?!?

  28. bill walton

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