Santana accepts trade to Mets to save goatee

In a blockbuster move that shocked the baseball world yesterday, Johan Santana waived his no trade clause to accept a trade to the Mets pending a physical and a contract extension. Many people have questioned why the Twins would take the Mets trade offer when the players offered by other large market teams like the Yankees and Red Sox were superior.

Sources close to The Big Picture have confirmed that the Twins were set to accept the offer from the Yankees, rumored to include star pitching prospect Phil Hughes, a potential ace, but the trade was nixed by Santana. The reason Santana wouldn’t go to the Bronx? They would have made him shave his goatee.

The Yankees have a history of making the more wild haired members of the baseball world look like total pussies, including the most infamous of the bunch, Jason Giambi. Santana evidently had no interest in giving in to the aesthetic requirements of the Yankees.

Rumors have it that not only does Santana think he’s pretty fly with the facial hair, but that his goatee is actually the secret to his great success that has garnered him two American League Cy Young Awards. It may even have secret powers.

Santana now takes those secret powers to Queens to play for the Mets, making sure he’s as close as possible to the team that he spurned. The Mets now appear once again to be a front runner to take the National League crown, goatees included.



4 Responses

  1. Having suffered though a dugout fight, between Roberto Alomar and Roger Cedeno, over who was better looking, this is probably not as far from the truth as we’d think.

  2. zach when you label my posts “fake news” it really hurts my credibility. I got the scoop bitches!

  3. …all the more funnier then when the Mets choke in ’08. lol. Santana won’t save them from their impending repeat of a collapse. As I like to say,”it’s in da hole!”

  4. Yea… the mets may have it in the hole… but the first time I saw that big apple pop out in the outfield after a home run I was pretty impressed.

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