Mr. Kool-Aid doesn’t have a back pocket. But what if he could? What if he could?


What do the days of the week mean? Mon-day. Tues-day. Wednes-day. Thurs-day. Fri-day. Satur-day. Sun-day.

It would make more sense the days were called Workday, Secondworkday, Stillfuckingworkday, Theresnotenoughboozeintheworldforthisday, Almostweekendbutstillworkday, Funday and Restday.

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That dotted line, which signifies a change in thought, looks like the beginning of a hangman game.

Kids probably shouldn’t play hangman. It sends mixed messages about word puzzles.

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Storming the court is one of the coolest tradition in sport. Kansas State gets a 9.3 for its storming after beating KU. That was a good rushing of the court.


How do you get a 10.0? Tear those motherfuckers down. In football they tear down the goalposts. In basketball, they just come out on the court? Bullshit. Cause some destruction.

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We have to submit our absentee ballot tomorrow (Almostweekendbutstillworkday). We don’t know who to vote for. (Thoughts?)

If a candidate suggested changing the name of Thursday to Theresnotenoughboozeintheworldforthisday, said candidate has our vote.

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Why don’t all pants come with pockets? Not talking about jeans, khakis, etc. But sweats. And athletic pants and shorts. Pockets should be mandatory.

If I went to the gym with my athletic shorts that don’t have pockets, where do I put my membership card? Where does my iPod go? What if I want to play pocket pool?

Just imagine life with pockets. And a removable back pocket. That would be huge.

The ad slogan: “What if you could? Yeah. What if you could?”

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Here’s a neat story about the adopted son and grandson of infamous cult leader Jim Jones. We usually like Gary Smith’s work more, but this piece is interesting, nonetheless.

Kool-Aid used to be good when you were like 5. Absolutely nothing about the spelling of Kool-Aid makes sense.

Though the Kool-Aid man could nail any cartoon character he wanted.

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This dividing line isn’t as long as the other ones because it isn’t a complete subject change.

If you could bang any cartoon character, who would it be?

Our list:

1. Jessica Rabbit (hotter than most pornstars)

2. Daphne from Scooby Doo (closet freak)
3. April O’Neil from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
4. Ariel from The Little Mermaid
5. Belle from Beauty and the Beast

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If we read one more thing about Tom Brady’s fucking ankle, we’re going to go all Philip Rivers on someone.

The media is making the Super Bowl (as always) one of the worst weeks in sports.

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The rule in the NBA where a timeout gives a team the ball at halfcourt is the silliest rule in sports. Do they have a timeout in the NFL where you advance to field goal range for a game-winner?

Bron Bron got the ball at halfcourt, passed Go, collected $200 and hit the game-winner. Would’ve been much tougher had he been forced to go the length of the court.

Silly rule.

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Ever consider legally changing your name? We haven’t given it nearly enough thought.

If we could, we’d go with: Bigge Cauck.

Or change the spelling of our name to Xaque. Think about it.

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We’re just three days away from Super Bowl Restday! Get excited!

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18 Responses

  1. I agree, tear down those f—ing baskets!!!!!!!!

    YEH, DESTRUCTION RULES!!!!

  2. So you have a thing for cartoon redheads? 3 of 5.

    I should have just sent you the picture from the post where I asked for animated redheads to take the place of Brian Scalabrine. The pick includes all three of your wants.

    http://simononsports.blogspot.com/2008/01/finding-better-token-redhead-animated.html

  3. that post does make it seem like you have a thing for redheads. I would have thought you might go with say…

    Blondie:
    http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/ADVG/369~Blondie-Dagwood-Posters.jpg

    or Betty:
    http://images.progressiveboink.com/mike/cartoongirls/bettycooper4.jpg

    also, look at this:

    http://progressiveboink.com/archive/cartoongirls.html

  4. You’re all over the place today, zach.

    As far as cartoon lays, you know Lois Griffin is into some freaky shit.

  5. in terms of the election…

    you should, as usual, go for the big O.

  6. Ariel is a f—ing mermaid dude….how are you going to f— her???

    I suppose you could spawn with her

  7. stiles, yes ariel is a mermaid, but remember the part where she had legs? that shit was hot.

  8. Stiles,

    Thanks for using dashes in place of really writing ‘fuck’

    Really, thank you.

  9. Ahaha, the dashes again. I could see Belle, although Anastasia (whom is pretty much a Disney princess, although she’s not) I think would be a better pick for a red head. Ariel’s hair was SO dyed that color.

    The Blazers game last night fucking pissed me off. That half court rule is a fucking joke.

    The NBA still sucks… just the Blazers don’t because they have Brandon Roy.

  10. You’re right about Ariel and her legs…you just got to keep her out of the water though…

  11. day get their names from the norse gods. don’t ask me how i know that.

    -noah

  12. Simon – I guess I inherently have a thing for redheads. my gf is a redhed, so maybe there’s something to it.

    gmoney – louis would be No. 7 if I elongated it. she’s hot, but not quite MILF-y.

    dr. dawg – you and me are very much on the same page. only watched that Portland game because of Brandon; the only reason why the NBA is watchable (and the Warriors).

    noah – thanks for the rationale on the days of the week. my 16-year-old cousin knows more about everything than i do!

  13. i’m 17 you fucker!

    -noah

  14. B-Roy’s an allstar. Sweet. One more game to watch that I wouldn’t watch otherwise…

  15. As a player, I’ve been involved in one storming of the court (when we one state high school basketball)… pretty much the best thing ever.

  16. What would happen if you did bong hits before writing your blog?
    Would it come out like this one did?

    I think so.

    Very nice!

  17. I saw the video of the K-state rushing of the court and it looked pretty good, but I have seen better. I was at the Texas Tech game versus A&M and we couldn’t rush the court because it was Bob Knight’s 900th victory. I was pissed as hell!

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