"Would you do… Round 3" Tournament: No. 1 Cavs Amanda vs. No. 9 Christine

(If you don’t know what the hell the “Would you do… Round 3” Tournament is all about, read this first).

Can the Song Girl make this tournament’s first big splash?

No. 1 Cavs Amanda:

Why we might:
The carpet probably matches the drapes.
Why we might not: It’s her fifth season with the Cavs. Over. The. Hill.
Regular season record: 97% yes-3% no.
First round: Defeated Courtney Simpson 73%-27%.

No. 9 Christine:

Why we might: She’s a Delta Gamma, known at most American universities as “Dirty Girls.”
Why we might not: Her face, somehow, looks italicized.
Regular season record: 72% yes-28% no.
First round: Defeated Teri Hatcher: 61%-39%.

Does the No. 1 go down prematurely?

Who would you rather do?
Cavs Amanda
pollcode.com free polls

"Would you do… Round 3" Tournament: No. 2 Jaclyn vs. No. 15 Milly

(If you don’t know what the hell the “Would you do… Round 3” Tournament is all about, read this first).

Hampton, Coppin State, Santa Clara, Richmond…can Milly be the next 15 to pull the huge upset?

No. 2 Jaclyn:

Why we might: Heck, she’s a hometown hottie.
Why we might not: Pretty vanilla.
Regular season record: 90% yes-10% no.

No. 15 Milly:

Why we might:
Nice complexion.
Why we might not: Milly? That’s something you’d name a pet worm.
Regular season record: 57% yes-43% no.

Ugh, so what “hometown” is Jaclyn actually from?

Who would you rather do?
pollcode.com free polls

Phoenix a sports mecca? Phoenix?

The Phoenix Metropolitan area has had one helluva sports season. How about these for big events: the Super Bowl, NBA All-Star game, and NCAA Tournament West Regional games.


And between all of that are all sorts of Cactus League games, with nine of the 12 teams in about a 30-mile range of Phoenix. The Suns are a title contender, the D-Backs could win the NL West and the Arizona Cardinals, well, they play in a new stadium that looks like a space ship.

The women are gorgeous, the golf courses omnipresent and it’s supposed to be in the 80s this weekend!

The downside about life in the Valley of the Sun? You might never see a tree again. And the tap water looks like milk.

"Would you do… Round 3" Tournament: No. 7 Katie vs. No. 10 Larisa and Marisa

(If you don’t know what the hell the “Would you do… Round 3” Tournament is all about, read this first).

Twins. TWINS!!! (But Katie’s hot, too).

No. 7 Katie:

Why we might:
Golden State cheerleader. Go Warriors!
Why we might not: Her hair belongs in a wig shop.
Regular season record: 77% yes-23% no.

No. 10 Larisa and Marisa:

Why we might: 2 > 1
Why we might not: Larisa and Marisa? Really?
Regular season record: 70% yes-30% no.

Can the lure of twins lead to this first-round upset? One way to find out…

Who would you rather do?
Larisa and Marisa
pollcode.com free polls

"Would you do… Round 3" Tournament: No. 6 Krisandra vs. No. 11 Erica

(If you don’t know what the hell the “Would you do… Round 3” Tournament is all about, read this first).

For the right to try to upset the No. 3…

No. 6 Krisandra:

Why we might:
Nice rack.
Why we might not: 1970 wants its hairstyle back, thanks.
Regular season record: 73% yes-27% no.

No. 11 Erica:

Why we might: Southern hospitality.
Why we might not: Her face vaguely reminds us of this Salvador Dali painting.
Regular season record: 68% yes-32% no.

Would an 11 over a 6 even be an upset?

Who would you rather do?
pollcode.com free polls

We don’t want to harm your cat, but we will…

You guys aren’t sick of this style of post, are you? If you are, go fuck your mother.

We really like them. Like really. We have more fun writing these than we do masturbating and, boy, we sure love masturbating.

It’s the combination of writing short lengths, being totally scatter-brained and writing in an even sillier tone than we normally use.

(Really though — that’s the third “really” in this segment — if you don’t like these posts, let us know. Then fuck yourself).

We don’t get too involved with the Facebook. Send some messages to friends afar, look at some pictures, and see what guys are trying to bang our girlfriend who lives in LA.

But what really gets us — what really fucking grinds our gears — is the “status” updates. Of our listed “friends,” we have ones that are saying, “____ stressed,” “____ is in the mood to cook :)” “____ is being 23.”

What. The. Fuck.

If we updated our fucking status, we’d say something like, “…is masturbating to your Facebook photos and plotting to run over your cat.”

We’ve just been informed by a colleague that it was snowing today in Tacoma, Wash., which is about 25 miles from Seattle.

In related news, Tuesday is the beginning of fucking APRIL!

We’re hard knowing that we have more Madness this afternoon, but we would be harder if our money wasn’t already squandered.

Last week we told you about the pool we do every year: eight guys do a fantasy draft of the 64 teams. So eight guys get eight teams each. Based on the total wins by those eight teams, that’s your winner. Usually 10-12 total victories wins the thing.

We had the fifth pick overall pick and here’s how our “team” turned out:

George Mason

Yeah, so we got bent over pretty good. Fucking Drake, man. That one stung. G’Town shitting the bed didn’t really matter much, just the final fuck you to a dismal performance.

For those keeping score, we have four total wins and one team left. That’s fucking dreadful.


We were thinking, with baseball season officially underway (even though any fan will tell you Opening Day is Monday), who is the worst statistical starter in the bigs?

Juan Pierre’s gotta be up there.

Pedro Feliz is mind-fuckingly bad. His OBP is terrible and if there’s a guy on first with less than two outs he’ll pull a slider low and away to short and begin a 6-4-3 double play.

Richie Sexson, pictured with a woman with fake breasts and a glass eye, redeems himself with decent power numbers. But for a middle-of-the-lineup hitter, his average is too low, strikeouts are too high and the hole in his swing is bigger than Joe Buck’s ego.


Fire Joe Morgan has perhaps the best description of Steven Segal movies we’ve ever seen:

“Not even computers could find value in Hard to Kill, Marked for Death, Out for Justice, or any of the other Adjective Preposition Violent-Thing movies he’s made. (I realize Hard to Kill is actually Adjective Violent-Infinitive, but you get the idea.)”

Our pals at Hotdog & Friends, which is your home for all things CBI, posed us the question whether or not we would do Laura Linney.

We said in Primal Fear yes, in Love Actually no.

Ballhype hosted an interesting discussion whether or not the NBA is a niche sport.

We’re not sure the answer. Lots of good arguments in there, lots of flawed points, too.

All we know is that while the NBA is loaded with star power, the only watchable team is Golden State when they play at home because the Warriors play a college-style game, show rare emotion and the fans are loud enough to drown out the fucking organ.

Not sure if others feel the same sentiment, but we’re far more interested in the likes of the College World Series, local high school basketball and women’s sports than we are in the NBA…especially come playoff time. (Unless, of course, the Warriors are beating the Mavs again).

Unless they’re going to release an unedited, R-rated version, behind the scenes video, ESPN should cut ties with Bob Knight. He’s bad.

And we’re in the minority, but we really like Doug Gottleib. He’s matter-of-fact, accurate and uses far more rationale than any other college basketball analayst.

Then there’s Billy Packer. Don’t get us started…

Enjoy the games, folks!

"Would you do… Round 3" Tournament: No. 3 Meghan Vasconcellos vs. No. 14 Paula Abdul

(If you don’t know what the hell the “Would you do… Round 3” Tournament is all about, read this

Meghan has been carved from an angel. Paula Abdul, too, but like before Christ.

No. 3 Meghan Vasconcellos:

Why we might: She’s ridiculously hot.
Why we might not: She’s too hot.
Regular season record: 87% yes-13% no.

No. 14 Paula Abdul:

Why we might: Jewish.
Why we might not: She was a Lakers girl like 800 years ago.
Regular season record: 57% yes-43% no.

Can Abdul pull the upset? Or is the Beantown hottie too much to handle?

Who would you rather do?
Meghan Vasconcellos
Paula Abdul
pollcode.com free polls