Frequently Asked Questions

The longer this site goes on, the more curious people get about what drives it; the motivation, the ideas, the stories.

So we’ll respond to a series of emails that have come in over the last few months. Of course Lozo gave us the idea, and you guys the emails.

Why call it The Big Picture?

It was the name of our column at the college newspaper. And we wanted to write about national sports, so we thought of a cliché that could sum it all up. And it sounds better than, “Our Broad Take on Sports.”

What teams do you root for?

The Giants, the Huskies and Barbaro — even if he’s dead.

If you could change one thing in sports, what would you change?

Joe Buck and the Marlins’ uniforms. That was two.

What really pisses you off?

Not scoring a runner from third with less than two outs, overpriced drinks, the NBA, Joe Buck, American Idol, people who speak badly of Carmen Electra, prude girls, MTV.

What’s your beef with Joe Buck?

He touched us when we were little. No really, he tried to show us his penis once. No really, he’s just the most mundane sportscaster and can turn the most exciting event into a snoozefest. And he tried to have sex with us.

So who’s your favorite sportscaster?

Mike Patrick, Gus Johnson, Ron Franklin and pretty much any CBS college football broadcast team.

Best chain restaurant?

Oxymoron, but we sure feel like family at the Olive Garden.

Has the blog helped you with girls?

Wilt Chamberlain has been asking for advice.

Why do you like fake breasts so much?

The same reason we like when girls wear make-up: it makes them look better. Have you seen Kim Kardashian without makeup? Holy shit! Run for the hills!

Would you rather witness the Giants winning the World Series or have sex with Carmen Electra?

Wow…both are once-in-a-lifetime opportunities and both will get you bragging rights for years. Though the Giants win would stay with you forever while sex with Electra would probably last about two minutes. And she might have Hepatitis.

If you could do anything, and money wasn’t an issue, what would you do?

Go on a road trip and catch a different college football game every week, stopping at a local strip club along the way.

Why do you blog?

For the money. Obviously.

Are you serious?

Yes.

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11 Responses

  1. you forgot the Niners, you d-bag.

  2. Joe Buck has been raping kids for years. He learned from his dad.

  3. What really pisses you off?

    Tipping for drinks?

  4. I can think of some other things that really piss you off – like, um, dust, and things not being neat – like, if someone leaves a dirty cup on the counter. or if there’s a wrinkle on your undershirt. Oh man I could go on and on.

  5. Mike Patrick, seriously? Do you like witnessing Duke and North Carolina get blown on national television or something? The guy is such an ACC hack/Dickie V lover it’s not even funny. He’s one of ESPN’s worst.

  6. And dudes who know the proper names for drinks.

  7. anonymous: yes. but it’s the PRINCIPLE of tipping for drinks — especially a bottle of beer — that pisses me off.

    JMC: yes, yes and yes.

    steve: i don’t love patrick so much as an ACC goon, but he makes ordinary events much more exciting. that’s special.

  8. you really don’t have to credit me with the idea of an FAQ section. i certainly didn’t invent it.

    my question for you would be — if a really good-looking girl you just met in a bar asked you to eat her asshole, would you do it? i know, it’s tough.

  9. lozo – no shit! you didn’t invent the FAQ section. wow. just when you think you know someone…

    i like your question. i would say yes, if tossing her salad would lead to bigger and better things. but it’s not like hot girls shit, so it would sorta be just like going down on her, yes?

  10. Zach, it’s a big yes as long as she doesn’t ejaculate feces. Because no one other than Vince Carter wants that kind of facial.

  11. K, and where’s the olympic athlete tournament??? Are you guys getting that set up? Asking for suggestions, etc.? That would be so cool.

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