The Chicago Cubs will win the 2008 World Series

Worry not, friends. That headline is not misleading. It’s fact. Courtesy of our one-time nemesis, the geometric proof, we will prove that the Chicago Cubs will win the 2008 World Series.

Given:

The Cubs (36-21) are the best team in Major League Baseball
The last time the Cubs had the best record in baseball this late in the season was 1908
The Cubs won the World Series in 1908

Prove:

The Chicago Cubs will win the 2008 World Series

Statements


1. The Cubs are the best team in Major League Baseball
2. The last time the Cubs had the best record in baseball this late in the season was 1908
3. The Cubs won the World Series in 1908
4. History repeats itself in 100-year intervals
5. The Chicago Cubs will win the 2008 World Series

Reasons

1. Given
2. Given
3. Given
4. 100 is a magic number with supernatural powers that transcend external elements
5. Because we said so

There. Proof.

Mark Prior touched himself too much as a child…

…Or suffocated a cat in a grocery bag. One of the two. Has to be one of the two.

How else to explain that the once-heralded and dominant Prior will undergo season-ending surgery to repair his injured right shoulder? The former phenom hasn’t pitched in nearly two years and has only made 57 starts since 2003. We’re beginning to wonder if he’ll ever pitch again.

After an 18-6 2003 campaign — his first full season — he was on the fast track to stardom. Then the injuries. Lots of injuries.

So he tried on his mother’s Sunday dresses and put on her lipstick, right?