Moving Zito to the bullpen is the wrong move…


…because the Giants should send him back to the minors. But that’s not the case, unfortunately.

The Giants have a $126 million long reliever. Barry Zito is heading to the bullpen.

Zito was told the news before Monday’s game, one day after he surrendered eight earned runs in three innings to the Reds and fell to 0-6 with a 7.53 ERA.

“Barry is all for doing whatever he can to help the club,” Bochy said. “This is the best for Barry and the ball club right now.”

No. No it’s not. If Giants brass could swallow their egos and accept that they spent nearly twice Kiribati’s GDP on a player good for an average of seven and a half runs per game, they’d send Zito to Fresno.

In Triple-A, Zito would be able to (presumably) work out his kinks at no expense of the Giants. He could keep his same routine — seven runs every five days — against minor-league talent and not fuck up the Giants’ record even more than it already is.

In long relief, Zito could turn a 5-0 deficit into a 10-0 hole in an inning. He also won’t get the consistency of pitching once a week in the bullpen. And yes, he’ll fuck up the game. He’s already done that six times. And at 0-6, he’s made approximately $3 million per loss, which is significantly less than what he’s making per win.

SHARKS!

ESPN.com mocks Giants’ offense


We know it’s going to be a long season, but we didn’t know runs would be this hard to come by.

Doing the math on Barry Zito

Just about the only thing more painful than watching Barry Zito give up eight hits and four runs a start is knowing how much money he’s making doing it.

It’s one of the strangest thing in sports: the highly paid starting pitcher. If healthy, he plays once every five days, and while incredibly valuable in the postseason, the best of the best help their team once a week. And rarely more than seven innings of the game.

And then there’s Barry Zito who doesn’t exactly “help” once per week and seems to do it in about five-inning stints. His $126 million, seven-year contract is both unfathomable and brilliant, of course depending from which perspective you look at it.

So let’s breakdown Zito’s salary, based on an average of 35 starts per season, six innings per start and 11 wins.

The numbers are humbling.

-$18 million per year
-About $515,000 per start
-Nearly $86,000 per inning
-About $1.6 million per win
-Almost $29,000 per out

That last number is the most upsetting. Zito makes more money per out than many people make per year.

He better not be getting that $600 tax rebate.

Rollins makes ‘magic happen’ in vibrating bed


If an MVP trophy, playoff appearance and bundles of cash weren’t enough for Phillies star and Alameda, Calif. native Jimmy Rollins, he shows off his vibrating bed among other things when his “crib” is featured on MTV Cribs.

From the Philly Inquirerer via the invaluable Ben Maller:

Cameras for MTV’s Cribs toured the Gloucester County house of Jimmy Rollins, and the Phillies shortstop seems proudest of his king-size bed.

Which vibrates.

“That’s a great place to make the magic happen,” he says, grinning and sounding like a most valuable playa.

Other great places to “make the magic happen” include centerfield at Citizens Bank Park, Cole Hamels’ couch and the back of a Volkswagen.

Sports fan? Avoid these cities

The Big Lead brought up a good question yesterday: what’s the most tortured sports city? We’ll let them explain the criteria:

What hurts more, a team that hasn’t won a title in 50 years (but is never really close), or a team that hasn’t won in a decade, but is always on the cusp? And the nominees for most Championship-starved city (requirement – minimum of three pro teams necessary).

Their nominees are Cleveland, Atlanta, Dallas, Philadelphia and New York. (Go read The Big Lead’s post to get each city’s résumé).

OK, fine, whatever. But we think the two cities we call home deserve adequate mention.

Seattle – Seahawks have been in the playoffs five years in a row, made the 2006 Super Bowl, but have never won a championship. Mariners won 116 games in ’01, lost ALCS, and haven’t been to the playoffs since. No championships. The Sonics won the NBA title in ’79, but have only won one playoff series in the last 10 years. UW won the ’91 National Championship and, most recently, ’01 Rose Bowl, but has been miserable since.

Bay Area – Giants brutally lose 2002 World Series, haven’t won WS since 1954. Niners last Super Bowl title came in ’94. Only one playoff win in last nine years. Missed playoffs last five years. Warriors’ last title came in ’75. Haven’t been to conference finals since ’76. Went 12 seasons without making playoffs before beating Mavs last season. A’s haven’t won World Series since ’89 (beat Giants). Lost ALDS four years in a row, 2000-2003. Cal last played in Rose Bowl in ’59, last won Rose Bowl in ’38.

Make the case for your tortured sports city in the comments.

SaberCats champs! Destroyers fucking destroyed

To the right is a picture of the current scene in San Jose, Calif. after the San Jose SaberCats brought home the title for the third time in six years. They torched the Columbus Destroyers 55-33 in ArenaBowl XXI in the Big Easy.

If you look real close, you can see us doing some looting and throwing a Molotov cocktail in the direction of a gas station.

SET THE CITY ABLAZE!!!! AAAGGGGGHHHH!!!!!! (PSYCHOTIC, RIOT-HAPPY LAUGHING).

Man, winning is fucking amazing. Think of the feeling you get after having a threesome with two married chicks. Then multiply it by 10, add 26 and then a happy ending on top. That’s the feeling.

We haven’t been this excited about something since Saturday. Talk about a way to spice up a Monday morning.

It’s a good thing we don’t live all that close to San Jose. After lighting that shit up, it might not be there by this afternoon.

Oh, and Mark Grieb went 24-29 for 218 and four TDs. Some other players did other things.