Murray State quarterback is dumb, $20 richer

Murray State quarterback Jeff Ehrhardt will see your prank and raise it.

Murray State quarterback Jeff Ehrhardt was charged with pushing a campus police officer and taking his ticket book. The athletic director called this “a prank gone bad.”

Ehrhardt, a 20-year-old sophomore, was arrested Wednesday and charged with second-degree robbery. He surrendered to the campus public safety office and returned the ticket book after a witness identified him.

The charge carries a potential prison term of up to 10 years.

According to the police report, Ehrhardt said he was bet $20 he wouldn’t take such action against the officer.

Pranks have changed a lot since we’ve been in college. We used to bet kids they couldn’t run through the quad naked singing Barry Manilow or try to trick a Washington State student into thinking they were smart.

Now it’s robbing cops at gunpoint dressed up as ex-presidents.

What? He just took his ticket book? And it was a campus cop? Up to 10 years in the clink? It’s a good thing he’s a superstar quarterback at a D-1 powerhouse.

Oh. Right.

If Philip Rivers died a famous movie death…

Don’t read too much in to that headline. We do not want Philip Rivers to die a tragic, gruesome movie death. Frankly you could insert any athlete/sport figure’s name who you dislike for Rivers’.

It’s just Rivers is sorta in people’s minds and he’s really a cock-fuck who can go fuck himself. But, we must reiterate for you literal readers out there: we do not want bad things to happen to Rivers beside multiple interceptions and abstinence. This is just a fun way to talk about some awful things that could fictitiously happen to him in a fictitious movie world.

So here’s a list! Everyone loves lists. The top 10 ways to die a famous movie death…

10. Alan Rickman falls from Nakatomi Plaza in Die Hard.


There’s nothing like a long fall for Mr. Rivers. And who better to throw his ass out of a window? John McClane. Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker. You, Philip, are the motherfucker.

9. Jon Voight gets eaten by an Anaconda in Anaconda.


Makes sense that Rivers, a giant dickbag, gets fucked up by an animal that is often used to describe a gigantic penis. Go eat a dick, Phil. Or, in this case, vice versa.

8. John Travolta gets shot while taking a shit in Pulp Fiction.


Rivers is probably like one of those rich guys in that Family Guy episode who claim his bowel movements smell like bakery fresh cinnamon rolls. Except this time, you get pumped full of led while taking your pleasant-smelling dump.

7. Elijah Wood gets his limbs cut off in Sin City.


Wood’s character in this surprisingly good movie was annoying as hell and the first thing we said when we saw it was, “it’d be cool if this guy gets his limbs sawed off.” Low and behold… But hey, it’d cut down on Rivers interception numbers.

6. Jaws explodes in Jaws.


Jaws was a badass. He probably pulled tons of fish pussy. And he went out epically. Rivers doesn’t deserve this hero’s fall, but getting your shit blown to eight million pieces is savage.

5. Dennis Hopper gets decapitated in Speed.


Yikes. This is like the one cool thing Keanu Reeves ever did. Phil’s IQ seems pretty equivalent to Keanu’s — “if this bus slows down, we are all going to die” — so a wrestling match on top of a speeding train would be pretty entertaining.

4. Steve Buscemi gets axed up and put through a wood chipper in Fargo.


This would make it hard to taunt fans…

3. Bad guy’s face melts off in Indiana Jones and Raiders of the Lost Ark.


This is one of the scariest scenes in cinema. Holy crap this freaked us out when we were 22. Man, imagine seeing this as a kid. Scary as hell. But Rivers sorta resembles our wide-mouthed friend in the photo above, so his face melting would be the obvious next step.

2. Guy gets curbed in American History X.


This is actually pretty fucked up. Yeah, this wouldn’t be funny to joke about.

1. Guy gets heart ripped out in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.


Rivers either doesn’t have a heart or it’s black and covered in ice. So to call upon the bad guy from Temple of Doom seems appropriate. Pull that shit out and set it on fire. Not like Rivers needs any more fire in him, though.

We’re sure we’ve left some good ones off the list. Yours please in the comments.

Joel Zumaya plans to keep on rockin’ (in the free world)

Sorry, we couldn’t help ourselves with the Neil Young reference in the headline. What can we say? We love the chops.

Anyway, we’re not sure if Detroit Tigers flame-thrower Joel Zumaya likes Neil Young or not (our guess is an overwhelming “yes”) but we’re certain he can wail on the guitar…or at least the video game version of a guitar.

Zumaya, who was injured during last year’s ALCS playing the Playstation 2 game “Guitar Hero,” won’t let the injury keep him from rocking. From Detroitnews.com (via Ben Maller):

“They had a tough time trying to find out what was wrong with my arm,” Zumaya said, “and I told them I was playing this guitar game. I don’t believe that’s what it was, and to tell you the truth, I haven’t stopped playing it.

“A lot of people have criticized me and told me, ‘Joel, put it away.’ But I’m still going to play it. Just not as often.”

Fuck yeah! That’s the rockstar attitude. Never give in. Never back down.

But dude, even though it’s just a video game, whatever you do, don’t even think about playing “Stairway.” We hear they’ll castrate you for that.

Latrell Sprewell is indirectly feeding his family

A while back, SI mastermind Rick Reilly wrote a column titled, “Getting by On $14.6 Mil” that looked at just how selfish choker (note the dual meaning) Latrell Sprewell is.

Now it seems that Spree will be coughing up enough money to not only feed his family and his babies’ mama, but to probably buy a small country in the South Pacific.

From the wire report:

The mother of four of former NBA star Latrell Sprewell’s children sued him for $200 million Monday, alleging Sprewell broke their long-term cohabitation deal and roughed her up last month in their Westchester County home.

Um, how many children does Spree have? That blockquote there implies more than the four he’s helping feed with this nice chunk of change. Is he like the underground Shawn Kemp? We sorta feel that Kemp liked the idea of everyone knowing that he’s got a kid in every state, in every color, and in every sex. He picks his kids like fucking tennis shoes. Perhaps Spree is like a closet father or somethin’.

But Spree may be giving the Rain Man a run for his money. Maybe Sprewell has many kids and many baby mamas he knocked up — and knocked around, evidently — while on the road.

And for $200 million, shit, we’d take care of Spree’s kids. All of them. Fuck it, we’ll open a whole day care for them. We’ll still call Sprewell a dick-muncher though. Cuz he is. Dick-muncher.

D-League mascot to make sweet love with Stanford Tree

OK, that headline’s a bit misleading — there will not be any love-making between two mascots. Not that we know about, anyway.

The Austin Toros’ mascot, Da Bull, nearly cost the D-league team a win the other night.

The mascot, known as Da Bull, prematurely ran onto the court and hung from the rim with .4 seconds remaining, apparently to punctuate center Loren Woods’ breakaway dunk that gave the Toros a four-point lead over Colorado.

While hanging from the rim, the Toros detailed in a news release Thursday, Da Bull collided with a Colorado player. At the point of contact, the mascot’s head, to his horror, fell to the floor.

The Toros were assessed a technical foul. The 14ers’ Von Wafer made the free throw, but Rick Rickert missed a 3-pointer that would have tied the score as time expired.

Oh, so that’s where Loren Woods is.

Here’s more:

Da Bull was suspended for two games and assigned by the team to 50 hours of community service. A replacement mascot will perform in his absence; Da Bull is expected to return to duty Feb. 2 when the Toros play the Bakersfield Jam.

A few things:

1. Was there alcohol? Like with Tree?
2. Just 50 hours of community service? Throw him in the fuckin’ clink!
3. The team is named the “Toros,” so shouldn’t the mascot be called El Bull?
4. When El Bull’s head came off, it was discovered that James Earl Jones was playing the part of the mascot.

(Big ups to tipster “kickers_suck” and With Leather for the story).

In other news: According to sources, despite being injured, Yao Ming led all Western Conference players in All-Star voting because, “he’s Asian.”