Juan Palacios is a party animal

Photo courtesy of NapkinNights.com. See more pics here.

We have no idea who Baldy on the right is, but on the left is Louisville 6-foot-8 forward Juan Palacios. In the middle is the woman both are trying to get lucky with.

The Cardinals were in Vegas last week for some preseason tournament and it appears that Palacios and some coaches made the most of the Sin City nightlife.

From some Las Vegas publication, via the invaluable Ben Maller:

Our sources say assistant coach Walter McCarty and Palacios were in the LAX nightclub’s VIP section early Thursday with several male friends, including a young white man who appeared to be a seven-footer. Palacios, 22, is injured and has not played this year. Sixth-ranked Louisville lost to unranked Brigham Young University on Friday, 78-76.

A bottle of $400 Patron was charged to an Eric Scott‘s credit card and a bottle of Veuve Clicquot, which goes for about $300, was paid for in cash.

The school’s basketball media guide lists an Eric Scott as director of basketball operations.

A bottle of Patron is $400? Fuck. Do they lace it with heroin?

And Walter McCarty is with Louisville? Isn’t that like sacrilegious for a guy who went to Kentucky?

We have a hunch too — always trust a hunch — that Palacios’ pickup line to the pictured woman went like this:

“Hey. I’m Juan and I’m black. Once you go basketball player you never go back. Wait. Fuck…I have a gigantic penis.”


Paris Hilton is talking to NASCAR drivers. And spreading the herp.

From the New York Daily News, via Ben Maller, comes tragic news that Paris Hilton is anorexic. No. That was last week. Actually it was that she has SARS. Fuck! That was two weeks ago.

Here’s what supposedly happened:

Driver Kasey Kahne was out at Les Duex in Hollywood Wednesday night when he bumped into the ubiquitous celebutant. “The two of them chatted for a while, and before they parted ways for the night, she leaned in and whispered ‘God, you’re cute’ and kissed him!” says our source.

Our source — fucking 100 times more reliable than the Daily News’ — told us that Kahne responded to Paris’ whisper and said to her, “Can you get syphilis from oral? No?! Right on!”

It’s unclear if Hilton and Kahne will get married, but our money is on a shotgun wedding in the next few days. Perhaps from a Planned Parenthood clinic.

Yao Ming could do like waaay better

Hey, Yao Ming’s getting married. To a woman.

China’s All Star NBA centre Yao Ming will wed his teenage sweetheart Ye Li from Shanghai in August, after an eight-year courtship, state press reported Monday.

“This is a match based on pure love,” the paper said.

Pure love. So that’s what they call it now. Ask Yao why they’re getting married and he’d say, “性是粪,” which is Chinese for, “the sex is the shit.”

The bed-play better be good cuz this gal ain’t exactly gonna turn heads. Um, do they make kegs of Long Islands? They better fucking start…

But her personality must be a 10. That, or she can do some wild shit with her tongue.

Tony Homo will soon be banging Carrie Underwood full time

Some Thursday Tony Romo and Carrie Underwood talk for ya. Little tabloid-y, huh? Sorry. It’s not really our thing, but with no Blogger Interview this week, we had to “fill the space,” as they say in the newspaper business. We’ll be back with those fun Q&As in two weeks.

But for now, you get this little sliver of gossip — from Reality TV World, via Ben Maller — that will surely impress Nikki from HR:

“Carrie would love to marry Tony,” a so-called “insider” recently told In Touch Weekly. “They’ve been talking about getting engaged and it’s probably going to be soon.”

Speculation as to why Underwood has potential wedding bells ringing in her head reportedly stems from that fact that she took the time to try on “several wedding gowns” when she was deciding on what to wear to last month’s Academy of Country Music Awards.

This is news. NFL quarterback marries pornstar. Not sure if two high-profile people have ever wed.

Wait, Underwood’s not a pornstar? Bullshit. She’s what? A singer? Fuck you, nutjob. If we want Underwood to be a pornstar, she’ll be a motherfucking pornstar. C’mon. Her name is Under-Wood for chrissake.

Oh yeah, married or engaged or something. We expect an invite to the wedding.

Matt Leinart and Tara Reid? Yeah, we’re not surprised either.

It seems it’s that time of the year for the Sundance Film Festival, which, as Matt over at With Leather points out, is time for cocaine and infidelity.

According to Ben Maller, Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart wasn’t babysitting and was rather seen fraternizing with Hollywood slut (we think “slut” would actually be a factual term in this phrase, according to our gossip insiders), Tara Reid.

Maybe Tara Reid should have offered Jared Leto some comfort, but she spent the night trying to flirt with Matt Leinart, even though the Arizona Cardinals quarterback already had two ladies hanging off him. Apparently three’s a party, but four’s a crowd.

And the chance those two ladies hanging off him were Paris Hilton and his baby’s mother Brynn Cameron are slim to none.

Leinart, ever the bachelor, has been rumored to be flirtatious (among other things) with Hilton, Britney Spears and now Reid. Not exactly a bunch to brag about. Hilton is dirtier than a mud pit, Spears has more baggage then Coach, and Reid, well, when we type “Tara Reid and whore” into Google, we got 523,000 results.

Matthew is quite the quarterback and we admire that he stayed in college through his senior year. But if we had the pick of women that he has, um, might choose the ones not with herpes.

In other news: The T-Wolves have fired Dwane Casey for “coaching in the Western Conference.”