Put your life savings on New England

We’re just as fucking sick of the Patriots as much as the next hate-filled sports fan. But rather than venting about New England running it up week after week, or making fun or Bill Belichick for having more affairs than Super Bowl rings, let’s try to swing the Pats’ success in our favor.

Sports betting has never been our thing; we figure watching hours of sports is investment enough. But we did some digging and found that the Pats have only failed to cover the spread once (at Indy). So take this neatly compiled information and bet the fuck out of New England. You’ll win money and the only person who likes winning money more than you is the woman you’re sleeping with.

Week 1: -6.5 at Jets (won 38-14)
Week 2: -3.5 vs. Chargers (won 38-14)
Week 3: -16.5 vs. Bills (won 38-7)
Week 4: -8.5 at Bengals (won 34-13)
Week 5: -16 vs. Browns (won 34-17)
Week 6: -5.5 at Cowboys (won 48-27
Week 7: -16 at Dolphins (won 49-28)
Week 8: -15 vs. Redskins (won 52-7)
Week 9: -5.5 at Colts (won 24-20 — didn’t cover! World stands still!)
Week 10: Bye (beat Dolphins)
Week 11: -16.5 at Bills (won 56-10)

The Pats play Philadelphia next week. Donovan McNabb will probably get hurt. Tom Brady will probably throw for five touchdowns, run for another and sit out the fourth quarter. Bet away.