The Sonics would be better off moving to Chernobyl

According to this list, wonderfully titled “Hells on Earth,” Oklahoma City ranks ahead of the likes of Baghdad and Chernobyl as one of the top five worst cities in the world.

While it may be all hunky-dory on the musical front, Oklahoma City isn’t the kind of place you’d want to hang out in for too long if you like to keep your feet on terra firma. The weather is frighteningly unpredictable, with blizzards often descending on the city and winds that could knock a high rise clean off its feet. It is, after all, located in the direct path of “Tornado Alley.”

So, yeah, Kevin Durant is going to be blown away by a tornado.

Wake us up when it’s Bobcats-Clippers


Yawn. When the Spurs finally took out the Hornets the other day, we rolled our eyes. When, oh when, will the NBA have the parity that has made MLB and the NFL so fun to watch in recent years? Spurs again? Lakers again? Pistons again?

Let’s review. The Spurs or Lakers have been Western Conference champs nine of the last 10 years, with only the Mavs breaking through that one time. Surprisingly, they’ve only met head to head in the Western Conference Finals once during that span, so that makes this matchup at least a tiny bit interesting, but not really.

Detroit has been in the Eastern Conference Finals for six straight years and frankly the act is getting boring. At least we haven’t seen the Celts this far in a while, but we’re talking about a team with SIXTEEN NBA titles. Second to them? The Lakers with 14. In fact, the final four NBA teams are 1st, 2nd, 4th, and 5th, on the list of most titles all time.

We’re ready for something new. Where are the Hawks, and the Raptors, and the Grizzlies? When do the Knicks finally get good? Why the hell can’t the Nuggets win with Melo and AI? Oh well, once again we’ll have the same damn teams in the NBA conference finals. Wake us up when it’s over.

And another thing — what’s with all the anti-Celtics sentiment? Are they a particularly unlikeable team? Or do people just like to root for the underdog? Fuck Boston? At least they’re not the Spurs.

What the hell was Jannero Pargo thinking?

That’s Hornets guard Jannero Pargo, who surely is missing a shot in New Orleans’ Game 7 loss to San Antonio.

We don’t care that Pargo had 16 of his 18 points in the fourth quarter. He had those points because he was chucking up the ball like he was playing a fucking pickup game.

He set up isolation for himself and took terrible shots and got bailed out by a few cheap fouls on what should have been turnovers.

He shot 6-16 from the floor which is absolutely inexcusable when you have an MVP candidate in Chris Paul and ultra-talented inside threat in David West on the floor. Why was Pargo even on the court?

This AP writer
was clearly watching a different game.

Buoyed by a home crowd that stood throughout the fourth quarter, the Hornets fought back to make a game of it, largely behind Pargo, who had done little in this series. He scored seven straight on four free throws sandwiched around a 3-pointer, pulling the Hornets to 81-77 with 3:10 to go.

Paul Forrester’s quick hits on SI.com were, unlike Pargo’s shots, on target.

Every team shortens its rotation at this time of year; the difference for the Spurs is that the selected few who come off Gregg Popovich‘s bench at crunch time hit multiple threes, like Robert Horry and Michael Finley each did in Game 7…In short, they place the bow on the Spurs’ biggest wins. They did so again Monday against a New Orleans club who could only counter with the bombs-away approach of Jannero Pargo, whose scoring was welcome, but whose lack of much else wasn’t.

Don’t know if we would go as far as saying Pargo blew that game, but for a guy who didn’t do anything in the team’s biggest ever series, why he chose to make himself the go-to-guy with the season on the line seems nothing short of ridiculous.

(Getty Image)

NBA Lottery! (Exclamation point!)


We feel like we’re bad sports fans this time of year: we couldn’t get into the NBA playoffs if every game came down to the last shot and every series went seven; we’re only a quarter of the way through the baseball season; and college sports aren’t exactly relevant in May, unless the NCAA Women’s Softball Tournament does it for you.

But today is the NBA Lottery, which we will get (and already are) very excited for. The only better use of ping pong balls is throwing them into beer-filled cups.

Miami’s odds are the best, with Seattle also having a pretty legit shot at the top pick in June’s draft. Although the Warriors missed out on the playoffs, there are five silver linings, coming in the shape of five bouncy balls. (Complete odds list here).

Common logic right now has Miami taking K-State’s Michael Beasley, but NBADraft.net has the Heat going with Memphis’ Derrick Rose and the Supes taking Beasley. Holy moly! Beasley and Kevin Durant together in Seatt…err…Oklahoma would be nuts!

So yeah. Ping pong balls! If that doesn’t get you excited, don’t forget about the NBA Lottery Drinking Game.

Who saw that hot chick behind the Hornets’ bench Saturday?

We watched most of the Hornets’ convincing win over the Spurs Saturday and while it was nice to see David West absolutely dominate Tim Duncan, all we could really focus on were the limited shots of that gorgeous woman behind New Orleans’ bench.

Anyone else catch her? She was wearing a yellow halter dress, showing off her 8,000-dollar breasts and rooting hard for the home team.

For you Web sleuths out there, if you can find a photo of her or pull a screen grab of it if you did the TiVo thing, we’ll kindly reward you with a link to your site, porn links or a free subscribtion to this blog. We know we offer a lot.

Get to work. The world is counting on you.

DeShawn Stevenson and Buzz Bissinger: A fight to the death (or something cliché like that)


Two lapses of judgment Tuesday: Author Buzz Bissinger chose to swear a lot on HBO and make an ass of himself and basketballer DeShawn Stevenson chose to don a Michael Vick jersey and make an ass of himself. (Though Stevenson’s not getting positive attention for not supporting Rae Carruth, Carlton Dotson or O.J. Simpson).

So we’re going to run a poll to see who is the bigger, badder idiot. Badder isn’t a word, we’re told, unless it’s spelled with two Ts referring to something like cake “batter” or “batter” up. Bad writing. Bad grammar. Bad bad bad. We no longer are entitled to an opinion.

Contestants
DeShawn Stevenson_________Buzz Bissinger
Profession
basketball player_______journalist

Fashion

fur coat (?), jerseys_______sport coat, slacks
Hates
Dogs, LeBron James______Blogs, Will Leitch (?)
Loves
Soulja Boy_____Horses
Form of Intimidation
Menacing Gestures“______Unintentional spit, loud voice
Grew Up…
In Fresno___Reading the newspaper
Enemies
LeBron, Jay-Z, PETA______Bloggers
Musical taste
Rap, hip hop, R&B____classical, definitely not rock ‘n’ roll — too new age

May the best man win…

Who’s the bigger idiot?
DeShawn Stevenson
Buzz Bissinger
pollcode.com free polls

Craig Sager is giving sport coats a bad name

No, no, no! You have it all wrong, Craig Sager. Purple does not go with the brown shoes. Nope. All wrong.

Then again, “all wrong,” is a pretty accurate way to describe Sager’s fashion sense and overall demeanor. The man is embarrassing himself and the sport-coat-and-slacks look for men in general. You know it, we know it and Kevin Garnett knows it.

The best word to describe Sager: gimmicky. We fucking hate gimmicks and Sager switching up his blazer like Mr. Rogers and his fucking sweaters has no place in sports.

You can see a wide variety of Sager’s gimmicks here and cringe at every one. It’s not that Sager is even that bad at what he does, which we think is something made only for attractive women. But when he pulls that shit with his wardrobe, he’s begging not to be taken seriously. His shenanigans make him appear more like a circus clown than a reporter.

But maybe in another life Sager was a clown. Or perhaps Ronald McDonald could provide the TNT and TBS audiences with occasional sideline updates.