The Norv Turner Update lives on


What the hell were the Chargers thinking?

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Jerry Jones is a genius

The Dallas Cowboys owner is not a genius because he hired Wade Phillips to coach the team. Phillips is a fucking tool and has never been a particularly successful head coach; he’s a better defensive coordinator.

Jones is unbelievably intelligent because he didn’t hire Norv Turner, who was viewed as the front-runner. Why he was the front-runner for the job was unbeknownst to anyone who knows what a football looks like. Turner, who is about as good at being a head coach as we are at being un-cool, would have burned the Cowboys franchise to the fucking ground. Just look what he did in Oakland. Al Davis hasn’t been the same since.

Norv, who is actually a pretty good offensive guru, somehow can’t get it down when he has all the responsibility. He probably buckles under pressure and gets conservative with the offense.

First and 10: Run up the middle
Second and 9: Run up the middle
Third and a long 8: Run up the middle
Fourth and 9: Punt (But considers faking it with a halfback dive).

Fuck that shit. Norv has a way of developing players (Aikman, Young Alex Smith, Heath Shuler…OK, not Shuler. He fucking blows.), but his play-calling makes you want to take a blowtorch to him.

Turner is about the worst head coach since Isiah Thomas and can offensive coordinate with the best of them. Jerry Jones may have shot the city of Dallas in its collective foot by hiring Phillips, but Jones, had he hired Norv, may just as well have moved the team.

In other news: The top-ranked Lady Blue Devils beat No. 2 North Carolina 64-53 Thursday behind 20 points from J.J. Redick.

Welcome back to Norv (and the Norv Turner update)


This is a great day for us here at The Big Picture.

Loving to constantly rip on former Raiders’ coach Norv Turner, we again will be able to rip and rip away.

Turner was hired yesterday to be the offensive coordinator of…wait for it…the Niners!

My hometown team. Winners of their last two games. The team with Young Alex Smith at the helm. Everything is looking super for the red and gold.

Turner, despite being a fucking terrible head coach, is thought to be a better offensive coordinator. His best years came in Dallas when he (or Aikman, Emmitt and Irvin) led the Cowboys’ to two Super Bowl victories.

San Francisco had the worst offense in the league last year, which led to their offensive coordinator, Mike McCarthy landing a head coaching job in Green Bay. The Packers’ rationale? Well, we’re not too sure.

Norv Turner will be expected to succeed and to succeed fast with such talent already in place in San Francisco. Alex Smith, according to Vegas odds makers, is expected to throw a touchdown this season.

With Norv in place, perhaps Young Smith will throw two.

And to revert to old ways here…

Norv Turner update: 8:11 p.m. Tuesday night and Norv Turner is employed!

Bye bye to Norv Turner (and the Norv Turner Update)


It’s a sad, sad day here at The Big Picture headquarters. Oakland Raiders’ coach, Norv Turner — a favorite here at The Big Picture — finally got the axe yesterday.

After leading a talented team to a dismal 4-12 mark this season, Al Davis waived goodbye to Norv, which came as a shock to about six people.

Many of the Raiders’ woes came on an offense that had Randy Moss and LaMont Jordan. The players have said that they have Turner’s back and they probably should. Kerry Collins is, at best, a fucking terrible quarterback and the receiving corps was injury plagued all year.

The details about the firing aren’t thought to be too ugly, but it can be speculated that Turner had something along these lines to say:

“Yeah, Kerry really fucked us up,” he said. “It’s hard to blame any one person, but if I had my say, it’d definetely be Kerry.”

Turner took much heat when he was indecisive about whom to play at quarterback. Former UW standout (and another Big Picture favorite) Marques Tuiasosopo got a start and was expected to close out the season, but was benched in favor of Collins who had previously been benched.

Al Davis considered benching Norv after all of the benching, but didn’t in favor of sitting in the press box. Al sat on a chair, not a bench, we presume.

We’ll miss Norv Turner and especially the Norv Turner Update that would frequently run here. The Big Picture salutes you, Norv.

Ah hell, why not?

Norv Tuner update: Yesterday afternoon sometime: Norv Turner fired as Raiders’ coach.

In other news: Word has it that Joe Paterno is old. Who knew?