Watch out for that right quad

Hi. I’m your right quadricep. Don’t fuck with me.

I will take you down faster than a Vietnamese prostitute. I’m your motherfucking worst nightmare. Want to spend some time on the DL? Don’t mess with me. This shit will linger, man. You think you’ll be day-to-day but if you rush this back, you’ll feel the pain all season. I’ll make sure of it. It’s a bitch. I’m a bitch. And I’m gonna fuck you you like a bitch.

I just did it to two stars Sunday. Chipper and A-Rod strained me and now I’m pissed. They think they can just walk it off or “rest.” Right quads don’t fucking rest. Their leg is inflamed like a fucking shrimp on the barbie.

All you got to do is treat me well. Stretch me out a little bit. I love that shit. It’s like my way of jerking off. Even do some exercises to strengthen me. Squats are good. Leg press is good. If you do lunges I’ll fucking lose it.

But beware. Don’t neglect me. You treat me like chop liver and I’ll bite you in the ass and keep you on the shelf for a month. I’m like a good woman. Just show me some attention, care for me and I’ll love you back. It’s that simple, really.