Yi Jianlian likes steak

Ni hao. (Nee-ha-ow). It’s me again.

Things I like: steak, the Michigan Lake, analogies, cashmere, slang, sitcoms, Mrs. Dash, hiking boots, NBA, iambic pentameter, E!, Cherry Garcia.

Things I don’t like: preservatives, the Eerie Lake, slam poetry, The Hills, serrated knives, Reese Witherspoon, Nutter Butter, jealousy.

I also like fitting in. And I’m really starting to fit in, on and off the court in Milwaukee. I’m adjusting well.

I joke around with my teammates, I practice hard and I know that “fuck” is a noun and a verb. I though Chinese was a difficult language, but boy is English sure tough.

I’m doing OK on the court too. I score some points, make some rebounds and fuck the other team’s player, which makes them shoot free throws. My coach is telling me to not fuck so much, especially late in the game.

My “basketball” English is improving fast too. I know that Marbury is 非常疯狂. Look that up. I also know pick and roll. I do both!

I also like sarcasm. And Tiramisu.


Yi Jianlian is a Buck

Hi. It’s Yi again.

Things I like: diverse cities, Golden Retrievers, rice wine vinegar, practical jokes, fashion sense, courtroom dramas, Nike, unwritten laws, interpreters, Eggs Benedict.

Things I don’t like: confrontational people, “Orange” Chicken from Panda Express, Milwaukee, light beer, Nancy Drew, sluts, Radiohead, cynicism, tapioca.

Things are better now than when we last talked. I just signed a contract with the Bucks and I will, in fact, play in Milwaukee.

I mean, it’s hard not to be happy about it. It’s bittersweet, if you will. I have the financial comfort that every person longs for. But I have to spend the next few years of my life in Wisconsin.

I don’t like Wisconsin. I guess I should have told you that in my list above. I like diversity. I want to walk down the street and see people who don’t look like me or you. I guess there aren’t a lot of people who are 6-foot-11 and Chinese, so really not too many people look like me. But you know what I mean.

The Census said there are only 27,500 people of Asian descent living in Milwaukee. That’s not a lot. Not enough. I suppose I could do something about it. I could create more people of Asian descent. I’m an NBA basketball player. I could walk down the street and make a child.

A big part of life is how you deal with the obstacles that life throws your way. I’ve been given a hurdle. Milwaukee is gross. But now I’m here. And I’m going to make it better. One game, one step, one child at a time.

I also like improv comedy and after-dinner drinks.

Yi and the Bucks are not getting along

Hi. I’m Yi Jianlian.

Things I like: the color blue, subtle humor, taquitos, unscented lotion, books on tape, Alfred Hitchcock films, barbecued dog, Timex, Capitalism, loose-fitting jeans, big media markets, Aspirin, ESPN Classic, non-fiction.

Things I don’t like: sand, aggressiveness, off-white, vampires, curry, too much makeup, Milwaukee, Tylenol, Imperialism, CNN, Care Bears, kids, loose-fitting women, Tom Clancy novels, novels, nose rings, satire.

Now that we’re friends, let’s talk about another thing I like: basketball.

You’d never know I’m a basketballer by looking at that photo of me. I’m wearing enough blue to be mistaken for a fucking Smurf. But I’m really tall. And I have gigantic feet. You know what they say about guys with big feet, right? Yeah. Elephant cock.

I probably should’ve included this in my, “Things I don’t like:” Bucks GM Larry Harris. He’s mean and I hate him. He said that Milwaukee isn’t going to trade me. But I told him that I wanted to be traded. And I hate him.

I don’t know what I’ll do if I remain a Buck. Maybe I’ll commit Seppuku with an ironing board. Oh, Seppuku’s Japanese, you say? Well 我不喜欢你. You don’t know what the means? Good. You don’t want to. My words are filled with hate. Especially towards Milwaukee. I fucking hate Miller. It’s piss beer. I’d love to drink some and then piss on Larry Harris.

I also like jigsaw puzzles. And nutmeg.