‘The Beer Games’: Coming soon to a city near you

All those college sports out there — especially the small ones like lacrosse, rugby, swimming, etc — are just so unrepresentative of college. Especially when ESPN covers them.

What do college kids do? Study, drink, talk about banging, drink, eye-fuck the shit out of girls while drinking, the three S’s (shit, shower, shave) while drinking, go to class (sometimes drunk), order pizza (often when drunk, high or perhaps both) and then drink some more.

Our heat-packing amigos at Flyers Fieldhouse are on to this. So they’ve proposed the wonderful idea of the Beer Games.

The Beer Games will be a celebration of the today’s superstars in alcoholism, drunken debauchery, and shameless depravity. Think X Games. With beer. And no snow. And actual entertainment.For those that attended a college that was fun (i.e. anything bub Bob Jones), I’m guessing someone probably floated the idea around of broadcasting your block parties’ flip cup tournament. Another person most likely called a beer pong game with a lot of rebuttals an “instant classic.”

We’ll challenge anyone to a game of beer pong. We are the fucking ballz at beer pong. But don’t bring your bullshit to our house. On our court, here’s how we play:

-Six cups (preferably Solo brand).
-Two re-racks (call ’em when you want ’em).
-Both partners hit the shot, you get the balls back.
-Bouncing it in equals two cups, but you can slap the ball away once it hits the table, of course.
-Smack-talking’s cool, but don’t dishonor the game by using physical distractions to alter shot (like mooning the other team, for example).
-You better have those cups perfectly touching. If one’s tilted up on another, you’re dishonoring the game.
-Above all, beer pong is a game of honor. Remember that.

One of the best things about beer pong though is the many variations. We once walked in to the Sigma Chi house at the University of Pacific and played some ‘pong. Their rules belonged on the fucking short bus, but nevertheless, we ran through them like Tom Brady through girlfriends.

It’s important to note that the “home court” team calls the rules. Don’t walk into another man’s house and try to make the rules. That’s dishonoring the game. On a “neutral court,” discuss the ground rules before, sorta like the umpires/coaches at a baseball game.

So who wants to play? The Beer Games are coming to a college town near you soon. (Or they should). Watch out for the bounce…

And feel free to leave your preferential rules for beer pong in the comments. With collective thinking, you can bring a new version to your hometown. And then beat the fuck out of the other team. Honorably, of course.