Wayne Gretzky is ‘Takin’ Care of Business’

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Sometimes a gift just falls in your lap. Maybe it’s karma. Maybe it’s because it’s Wednesday. Who really knows?

But that tough-to-see image is Wayne Gretzky’s playlist, courtesy of Coyotes Trax. What is Coyotes Trax? We better let them explain.

With “Coyotes Trax,” you can purchase your favorite Coyotes players’ entire playlist, or individual songs at the iTunes Store (www.itunes.com). You can also enjoy a wide range of music including songs which get players pumped in the locker room as well as the music they enjoy away from the rink.

We’re the least bit surprised the Great One listens to Bachman-Turner Overdrive. “Takin’ Care of Business” fucking kills.

Though Gretzky having a Sarah McLachlan song on his playlist definitely threw us for a loop.

Beware of dog

“Man’s best friend” no longer.

A hunter is recovering after he was shot in the leg at close range by his dog, who stepped on his shotgun and tripped the trigger, an official said Tuesday.

No one else was hurt, and the dog was not injured.

Sounds like an accident, right? Wrong. Dead fucking wrong.

Michael Vick has pissed off dogs everywhere and now the entire canine community is turning on humans.

No longer are dogs cute, cuddly house pets. They’re fucking hunters.

Thank you, Michael Vick. Dog lovers will forever live in fear…

Halloween Costumes


Tomorrow’s Halloween and creativity is running low. We’re considering going out wearing jeans and a shirt and saying we’re dressed as Brad Pitt, but we don’t think that’ll fly. Going as Barbaro might not work either.

So, we need some help. Any good ideas out there? A past favorite of ours is putting on a UW Huskies football t-shirt and then putting a bag over head like those two upset Bengals fans.

But help. Please. Bonus points for sports-related costumes. Your creativity in the comments.

And since we’re talking costumes, we highly suggest you go back and check out last year’s post at The M Zone. Fantastic.

Stokke vs. Cohen for all the marbles

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You guys have voted, and the cult-following for Cohen was enough to push her through to the finals against the heavily-favored top seed.

It’s No. 1 Stokke vs. No. 7 Cohen and the winner gets a night alone with us and some whipped cream.

Really though, one’s a Cal Bear, the other a Jew. Our parents would be juiced either way.

The showdown begins Friday…

Patriots cross the line; and other cheap thoughts without much thought


Bill Belichick and the Patriots pushed us further than we’ve been pushed in a while. We can’t remember the last time a game with no direct ties to our rooting interests bothered us so much. Sure, there were some fantasy football implications (which, lately, has been the cause of instant anger), but this time it was beyond that.

The Pats, late in a rout, were showing no signs of sportsmanship, no signs of remorse, no signs of fucking humanity. They were disrespecting a good team with a better coach. They saw the line, laughed, and crossed it by a fucking mile.

The Pats shouldn’t have had Brady in at the start of the fourth quarter. Up 38-0, they certainly shouldn’t have had him passing. Then, on fourth and one, you kick the fucking field goal. And once you convert said fourth down they shouldn’t have been attempting in the first place, do not keep passing. Fucking ridiculous.

New England then went for it again on fourth down, up 45-0. Forty five to fucking nothing! Call the Mercy Rule or something. And even with Brady out, the Pats were still throwing the ball. We don’t give a fuck if they wanted to give the backup work. Run the ball up the middle for three plays and then punt the ball. Anything else is bullshit. Motherfucking, ass-raping bullshit.

In college, where running up the score actually matters for something, you won’t see coaches passing up by 40 points. Those collegiate coaches certainly wouldn’t go for it on fourth down.

We kept watching, glued to the TV expecting something big to happen. New England’s antics were the type that would result in the ‘Skins starting a brawl. Seriously. We were waiting for a cheap shot, late hit, helmet-to-helmet. Something. We were curious if Gibbs would still have enough class to shake Belichick’s hand after the game. (He did, quickly).

You know — you just fucking know — that those cock-sucking Boston fans were rooting for the Pats to run it up too. They wanted 100. There probably wasn’t one person in the state of Massachusetts who was thinking that Belichick was taking this one too far.

The statement was made by halftime. When the game was really out of hand late in the third, put in the backups, call dives, off-tackles and fucking QB kneels.

We’re very disappointed, and that’s not a common emotion of ours. Usually it’s as simple as happy, angry or horny. But this went too far. The Patriots used to be a classy organization. Now they’re callous assholes who couldn’t tell sportsmanship from arrogance.

Fuck you Mr. Belichick. You should be ashamed. May you get hit by a car. Scratch that. Bus. A big fucking bus.

(Here’s an article by our former colleague Les Carpenter, now with the Washington Post [Registration required, but do it. It takes 30 seconds and it’s worth it]. It hints at what we feel, though most of the players and Gibbs gave the quotes you’d expect, and blamed themselves more than anything).

Meanwhile...

-The lady pictured is British hottie Keely Hazell. After watching the National Football League from London, it’s clear that there is only one attractive person in all of England.

-Tony Siragusa’s meat of the day: salami.

-Be honest. You thought Cleo Lemon was white.

-Two teams heading in the right direction: Saints and Chargers. Looks like natural disasters can have their positive effects, after all.

-Did David Carr start hanging out in San Francisco’s Castro District? That long hair and glove has Lance Bass wet.

-Shannon Sharpe said 11 words clearly during halftime off the Colts-Panthers game. Last week: nine.

-That fucking obnoxious FOX robot? Really Terry Bradshaw.

-Oh, the 49ers have seemingly forgot how to play football. Young Alex Smith and David Carr would be a cute couple.

-With the Pats up by 600, we’re still at Gillette Stadium. And while Jacksonville-Tampa is the only legit game going and it’s on CBS, you’d think that FOX would at least mention that there is competitive football being played Sunday.

-Vinny Testaverde joke of the day (no, not his stats or us foolishly starting him in one fantasy league): Testaverde hurt, Panthers turn to “Western” medicine.

-At a dinner party next week, when Bob Griese is asked how his son is, he’ll reply, “what son?”

-Willie Parker, after multiple 100-yard-no-TD games, has decided that scoring is cool too and got in the endzone. Elsewhere, man walks on moon.

-Were the Brits booing the Giants taking a knee or Eli Manning throwing for 58 yards?

-Seen the movie Smoking Aces? The day a hit is put out for Brady or Belichick the same way it is for Buddy Israel, rain drops will turn to fucking jelly beans.

-We didn’t see pictures from the Minnesota-Philly game, but word has it that Kelly Holcomb was playing, so we’ll just assume an Eagles win and 78 carries for Adrian Peterson.

Holy Shit!

Trinity College (San Antonio) sure knows how to lateral — it led to a 28-24 win on the last play of their D-III win over Millsaps (Jackson, Miss.)

You just know Millsaps fans went home and stared at two things: a.) an empty glass of Scotch and b.) the barrel of a gun.

THE BAND IS OUT ON THE FIELD EXCEPT THESE SCHOOLS ARE TOO SMALL TO HAVE BANDS!!!!!

More, accurate, actual information at your home for college football, The Wizard of Odds.

Blah blah blah…Red Sox win…Blah blah blah


One silver lining: those fuckhead Sox fans didn’t get to see the celebration at Fenway.

Congratulations to the World Champion 2007 Boston Red Sox. Thanks for ending the MLB season on a bad note for just about every one outside of New England.

As for the goggles, well, that’s one redeeming quality. Awesome! They remind us of the guy in the back left of this photo.