One Shining Moment: "Would you do…" Edition

The ball is tipped, and there you are…you’re running for your life…you’re a shooting star…

Inspired by the studly “rstiles” of Stiles Points, comes the best of the “Would you do…” Tournament.

Best match up: Stacey Dales vs. Rachel Nichols in the Final Four. Dales eventually won 55%-45%, but the game was closer than the score indicates. Though Dales was ahead the entire time, through hundreds of votes, the former OU hoopster led by as few as single digits with a trip to the finals on the line. Nichols had a loyal fan base and nearly propelled the underdog to the top. It was a game for the ages.

Smallest margin of victory: Rachel Nichols over Sam Ryan 51%-49% in the first round. (With over 1300 votes, Nichols won by just 26).

Largest margin of victory: Erin Andrews over Andrea Kremer 97%-3% in the first round. (Andrews made it clear why a No. 16 has never beaten a No. 1 with a 13,529-416 massacre).

Biggest upset: Nichols over Suzy Kolber in the Elite Eight. Nichols squeezed past Ryan in the first round and then knocked off the No. 2 seed convincingly en route to the Final Four. Kolber was this year’s Wisconsin.

Biggest surprise: Dales’ momentum. She was the last contestant on the original “Would you do…” series and the fan base rallied behind her, pushing her all the way to the finals. Getting past a sultry Kit Hoover in the first round and then taking a detour around Pam Oliver’s ass in the Elite Eight caught us off guard.

Smallest surprise: Andrews’ rise to the top. And not even close. The top seed might go down as one of the strongest ever. She was never challenged.

Greatest injustice: The left side of the bracket. Melissa Stark and Bonnie Bernstein were both probably championship quality, and Michelle Bonner and her bedroom eyes had a bad draw meeting Andrews early on.

Thanks to you all for playing. Really. The votes, comments, emails…it was all great and made this tourney lots fun for all (except for maybe the female sportscasters who were either a.) left out of the bracket or b.) got routed.)

“Would you do…” will be back soon. Promise.

"Would you do…" Tournament Championship: No. 1 Erin Andrews vs. No. 6 Stacey Dales

(If you don’t know what the hell the “Would you do…” Tournament is all about, read this first).

It all comes down to this…

No. 1 Erin Andrews:

Why we might: Have you seen this woman?! Andrews is ultra-mega hot. Get her in a tight shirt and she’ll give a dude Instant Boner Syndrome (IBS).
Why we might not: We are very open here about our lack of interest in the NHL. Andrews is part of ESPN’s hockey coverage so she’s probably lost about 60 mph off her vocal speed.
Regular season “record”: 48 yes-1 no.
First round: Defeated Andrea Kremer 97%-3%.
Elite Eight: Defeated Michelle Bonner 91%-9%.
Final Four: Defeated Melissa Stark 61%-39%.

No. 6 Stacey Dales:

Why we might: She’s 27. Tight. (Note the dual meaning).
Why we might not: 34-24-36 Six feet, 155 pounds.
Regular season “record”: 22 yes-2 no.
First round: Defeated Kit Hoover 67%-33%.
Elite Eight: Defeated Pam Oliver 74%-26%.
Final Four: Defeated Rachel Nichols 55%-45%.

Help make history, folks.

Who would you rather do?
	Erin Andrews
	Stacey Dales
pollcode.com free polls

"Would you do…" Tournament: No. 6 Stacey Dales vs. No. 7 Rachel Nichols

(If you don’t know what the hell the “Would you do…” Tournament is all about, read this first).

Two lower seeds. Two darkhorses. One winner.

No. 6 Stacey Dales:

Why we might: She’s 27. Tight. (Note the dual meaning).
Why we might not: 34-24-36 Six feet, 155 pounds.
Regular season “record”: 22 yes-2 no.
First round: Defeated Kit Hoover 67%-33%.
Elite Eight: Defeated Pam Oliver 74%-26%.

No. 7 Rachel Nichols:

Why we might: If you watch Nichols do an ESPN report, you’ll notice that this redhead doesn’t blink. Like ever.

That really has no impact on our decision, except we’ll go ahead and speculate that she doesn’t, um, gag, either. We see cucumbers, kielbasas and tree branches coming into play.

Why we might not: We can’t rule out that a threesome might involve another dude. Nichols might be the type who bangs other dudes while her husband watches in the corner, sips a mixed drink and strokes his dick beard.

A situation like that has all the makings for something going very wrong. This could be the type of threesome where you wake up the next morning without a major organ and just a note that says, “You can find your kidney at the local flea market. It’s being sold for $10 or best offer. Thanks for a good time. XOXO.”

Regular season “record”: 18 yes-3 no.
First round: Defeated Sam Ryan 51%-49%.
Elite Eight: Defeated Suzy Kolber 67%-33%.

Who’s meeting Andrews in the finals?

Who would you rather do?
	Stacey Dales
	Rachel Nichols
pollcode.com free polls

"Would you do…" Tournament: No. 1 Erin Andrews vs. No. 4 Melissa Stark

(If you don’t know what the hell the “Would you do…” Tournament is all about, read this first).

Final Fucking Four. Bring it.

No. 1 Erin Andrews:

Why we might: Have you seen this woman?! Andrews is ultra-mega hot. Get her in a tight shirt and she’ll give a dude Instant Boner Syndrome (IBS).
Why we might not: We are very open here about our lack of interest in the NHL. Andrews is part of ESPN’s hockey coverage so she’s probably lost about 60 mph off her vocal speed.
Regular season “record”: 48 yes-1 no.
First round: Defeated Andrea Kremer 97%-3%.
Elite Eight: Defeated Michelle Bonner 91%-9%.

No. 4 Melissa Stark:

Why we might: She’s really freakin’ hot — nice hair, eyes, chest, legs, feet, chest.
Why we might not: She’s so hot that we could never enjoy banging a normal girl after running through her.
Regular season “record”: 22 yes-0 no (the only perfect record).
First round: Defeated Linda Cohn 93%-7%.
Elite Eight: Defeated Bonnie Bernstein 63%-37%

Two more wins it all it takes…

Who would you rather do?
	Erin Andrews
	Melissa Stark
pollcode.com free polls

"Would you do…" Tournament: And then there were four

We can’t emphasize enough how stallion-like you readers are. You’ve been kicking ass voting and commenting, giving each match up a pretty representative outcome as we head into the Final Four.

And while the left side of the bracket has played out like expected, the right side got blown up like the bathroom after eating a 7-Eleven chili dog.

We had two upsets with both Stacey Dales and Rachel Nichols cutting down the nets. We’ll admit that the right side of the bracket is pretty weak, and that Erin Andrews vs. Melissa Stark will be the mythical national championship, but still, Dales and Nichols both have lots of momentum.

[Mid-post aside: We were in Arizona over the weekend for our annual Spring Training trip (that’s why we didn’t respond to emails. Sorry!) and while watching some hoops in the hotel bar — free happy hour! — we started talking about this tournament.

Frank, 48, from Scottsdale, Ariz., overheard and got involved in the conversation. He liked the idea of discussing who we’d like to bang, but was pretty pissed off that we didn’t include Thea Andrews. Maybe next time, Frank.

Oh, and Barry Bonds drives a white Chevy Tahoe and prefers not to signal].

The timing of the “Would you do…” Tournament is working out nicely. We’ll run one Final Four match up tomorrow and the other Thursday. We’ll let college hoops take over the weekend discussion and then Monday, as you’re gearing up for the NCAA Championship, we’ll have our little championship up to whet your appetite.

Should be fun. So keep voting. We’re saying Andrews vs. Dales. Off the record, of course.

"Would you do…" Tournament: No. 2 Suzy Kolber vs. No. 7 Rachel Nichols

(If you don’t know what the hell the “Would you do…” Tournament is all about, read this first).

We sense that Kolber is performing poorly as of late. Kind of like Wisconsin, if you will. Nichols squeezed by Sam Ryan in Round 1, winning by less than 30 votes. Something’s gotta give.

No. 2 Suzy Kolber:

Why we might: Joe Namath practically begged to. And he’s famous and could probably land some quality 60-year-old tail.
Why we might not: Joe Namath practically begged to.
Regular season “record”: 36 yes-4 no.
First round: Defeated Jeanne Zelasko 66%-34%.
Ladies… breakdown.

No. 7 Rachel Nichols:

Why we might: If you watch Nichols do an ESPN report, you’ll notice that this redhead doesn’t blink. Like ever.

That really has no impact on our decision, except we’ll go ahead and speculate that she doesn’t, um, gag, either. We see cucumbers, kielbasas and tree branches coming into play.

Why we might not: We can’t rule out that a threesome might involve another dude. Nichols might be the type who bangs other dudes while her husband watches in the corner, sips a mixed drink and strokes his dick beard.

A situation like that has all the makings for something going very wrong. This could be the type of threesome where you wake up the next morning without a major organ and just a note that says, “You can find your kidney at the local flea market. It’s being sold for $10 or best offer. Thanks for a good time. XOXO.”

Regular season “record”: 18 yes-3 no.
First round: Defeated Sam Ryan 51%-49%.
Ladies… breakdown.

Some one is cutting down the nets. The other is going home.

Who would you rather do?
	Suzy Kolber
	Rachel Nichols
pollcode.com free polls

"Would you do…" Tournament: No. 3 Pam Oliver vs. No. 6 Stacey Dales

If you don’t know what the hell the “Would you do…” Tournament is all about, read this first).

Will it go to double-OT like Vandy/Washington State?

No. 3 Pam Oliver

Why we might: DSLs (dick sucking lips).
Why we might not: FOX.
Regular season “record”: 31 yes-6 no.
First round: Defeated Heather Cox(xx) 63%-37%.
Ladies… breakdown.

No. 6 Stacey Dales:

Why we might: She’s 27. Tight. (Note the dual meaning).
Why we might not: 34-24-36 Six feet, 155 pounds.
Regular season “record”: 22 yes-2 no.
First round: Defeated Kit Hoover 67%-33%.
Ladies… breakdown.

A trip to the Final Four is on the line…

Who would you rather do?
	Pam Oliver
	Stacey Dales
pollcode.com free polls

"Would you do…" Tournament: No. 4 Melissa Stark vs. No. 5 Bonnie Bernstein

(If you don’t know what the hell the “Would you do…” Tournament is all about, read this first).

Winner’s gonna give Andrews fits in the Final Four.

No. 4 Melissa Stark:

Why we might: She’s really freakin’ hot — nice hair, eyes, chest, legs, feet, chest.
Why we might not: She’s so hot that we could never enjoy banging a normal girl after running through her.
Regular season “record”: 22 yes-0 no (the only perfect record).
First round: Defeated Linda Cohn 93%-7%.
Ladies… breakdown.

No. 5 Bonnie Bernstein:

Why we might: Look at the second picture with the red suit. Whoa! That shit is probably more air-brushed than a Playboy spread, but still…hello! She looks ripe and eager…(and may be bottomless in that photo)!
Why we might not: She’s 36, and again, if she’s Jewish, she’s probably got a nice resumé…not a professional resume if you catch our drift. Her number of partners probably mirrors her salary!
Regular season “record”: 23 yes-2 no.
First round: Defeated Michelle Tafoya 89%-11%.
Ladies… breakdown.

Who would you rather do?
	Melissa Stark
	Bonnie Bernstein
pollcode.com free polls

"Would you do…" Tournament: No. 1 Erin Andrews vs. No. 8 Michelle Bonner

(If you don’t know what the hell the “Would you do…” Tournament is all about, read this first).

Here we go. The Elite 8. No more bullshit.

No. 1 Erin Andrews:

Why we might: Have you seen this woman?! Andrews is ultra-mega hot. Get her in a tight shirt and she’ll give a dude Instant Boner Syndrome (IBS).
Why we might not: We are very open here about our lack of interest in the NHL. Andrews is part of ESPN’s hockey coverage so she’s probably lost about 60 mph off her vocal speed.
Regular season “record”: 48 yes-1 no.
First round: Defeated Andrea Kremer 97%-3%.
Ladies… breakdown.

No. 8 Michelle Bonner:

Why we might: Take a look at the center picture. With those “fuck me” eyes and naughty smile, it’s more like Michelle Boner.
Why we might not: Dull.
Regular season “record”: 17 yes-4 no.
First round: Defeated Lisa Salters 86%-14%.
Ladies… breakdown.

Who’s cutting down the nets?

Who would you rather do?
	Erin Andrews
	Michelle Bonner
pollcode.com free polls

"Would you do…" Tournament: First round breakdown

You guys are a bunch of all-stars for voting in bulk the last two weeks. You’ve helped make history. Hear that? That’s the sound of a fucking U.S. History textbook being re-written.

The field has been cut in half and we’ll kick off our Elite 8 coverage tomorrow. There’s been some dissent about the seeding process, but we counter saying that there hasn’t been an upset.

Not even close.

No. 10 Sam Ryan nearly beat No. 7 Rachel Nichols — hardly an upset had it happened — falling about 50 votes short. But that’s it.

Erin Andrews still appears to be the favorite, with a potential match up of her and Melissa Stark being your mythical National Championship. As for the right side of the bracket, well, it appears to be wide open. Stacey Dales is the hot contestant, but momentum can go up in flames with one poor outing.

Anyway, the rest of the tourney should be fun. History will continue to be written Tuesday. Until then, there’s this other tournament getting going.