It’s instances like these where being wrong is fantastic


Who said the Giants didn’t have a chance?

Certainly not us. We called this upset weeks ago and predicted a 17-14 final score, Eli Manning would be the MVP and Plax would score the game-winning touchdown.

Elsewhere, we’ll put money that the sun will rise in the east tomorrow. Mark that shit down.

Was This The Biggest Super Bowl Upset Ever?

We talked to our dad before the game and he was all like, “Hey, the Giants played New England heads up in the last game of the regular season and could pull the upset, yada, yada, yada.”

We said, “Niners vs. Chargers in ’95.”

For two weeks, people were talking themselves in to thinking that San Diego had a chance to beat the heavily favored 49ers. They thought that maybe, just maybe, things break right and the Bolts pull the big one.

You know what happened: 49ers: 49, Chargers: 26.

We really thought Sunday’s game would’ve been the same story. People were looking for reasons to give New York a chance, but did anyone actually think they were going to win?

It’ll go down as one of the biggest upsets ever — not just in football. And, in our opinion, deservingly so.

Manning was great, Giants defense was better

Eli Manning was superb. He was elusive, he made great throws and, perhaps most importantly for Young Manning, he made good decisions.

But for how good Manning was, the most valuable person Sunday was Giants defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo.

He drew up a phenomenal game plan, constantly harassing Brady and putting more pressure on the Pats offensive line and QB than they’ve seen all season.

When the New England had the ball with about 30 seconds left, we though for sure the Pats would move the ball. Maybe get a few first downs, maybe get in field goal range, maybe even win it right there.

But Spagnuolo stuck with the game plan. He didn’t fuck around with the Prevent defense and kept the pressure on. Four and out and a World Championship for the Giants.

Did this get him the Redskins job?

For How Good the Defense Was, Where the Hell Was New England’s Offense?

On the second to last drive of New England’s season, the Patriots marched the ball down the field and scored the go-ahead-TD. Where was that the rest of the game?

For that one drive, New England looked like the 18-0 Patriots. Moving at ease and taking no shit from the defense.

But the rest of the game, the offense stalled, the front line couldn’t handle New York’s pressure and Brady looked out of sync and frustrated.

Did the Giants change the defense on said drive? Not as much blitzing? We don’t know enough about Xs and Os to say, but whatever the Pats were doing (or Giants not doing) on that drive worked.

A Horribly Disappointing End to the Season; It Couldn’t Have Happened to a Better Team

Asshole coach, Playboy QB who has everything, and the douchiest fans in America.

For how devastated the Pats and their fans are, it couldn’t have happened to a better bunch. Hell, Boston already has a World Series champ, it’s good that the city could be denied a Super Bowl title.

Fuck Boston.

Other Random Thoughts

-Didn’t hear too many mentions of Don Shula. He’s probably thrilled. Or thrillicious. What a terrible ad campaign that was.

-Tom Petty opening with “American Girl” was seen from miles away. But not closing with “Free Fallin'”? That came out of nowhere. C’mon Tom, you always close with your biggest hit. What the fuck was that?

-Joe Buck was his usual, monotone self. If Mike Patrick was calling that game, he might’ve had a minor heart attack because he would’ve been so excited. He would’ve been fun to listen to.

-Artichoke jalapeƱo dip is the chronic.

-Belichick’s red sweatshirt? That’s a slap in the face to superstition.

-There was one camera shot that panned over the back sides of the Patriots cheerleaders. Squats and lunges do wonders, people!

-We were watching with a girl, who said after a commercial about obesity, “If my kid was obese, I’d drown it.”

-She was not talking about Jordin Sparks.

-We imagine the shots of Peyton Manning in the luxury box weren’t popular. But we liked them. We thought it was nice to see him showing some emotion and cheering on his little bro.

-What was with all the animals in the commercials? For that many animals, we half-expected some bestiality.

-A few of those SalesGenie ads were pretty racist. Same goes for that Bud Light one — “Give me a Bud Light.”

-As far as Super Bowls go, that one was pretty enjoyable. A good way to send out the 2007-08 season. Until next year…

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Eddie Murphy is prophetic

The guy sees the future and shit while being pleasantly entertaining.

We want one of those vests.

Enjoy it now, Giants fans


Remember what happened last time the Giants were in the Super Bowl?

Yeah. Ravens 34, Giants 7. And that was a Baltimore team that didn’t have an offense. One’s gotta think that New England, on its quest to piss off the rest of the country and go undefeated, is going to make short work of New York.

Unless Brady gets picked off six times, the defense only goes hard for two downs at a time and a few guys get arrested in Phoenix, this game won’t be close.

So enjoy it now, Giants fans. There won’t be much to cheer about on Feb. 3.

Archie Manning has it good these days

Fuck. Two kids go to the Super Bowl in back-to-back years? He’s like the Father of the Decade. You know Archie lives through his two NFLers, so to see each reach the Super Bowl in consecutive years, he’s got to be creaming himself.

In fact, you’d think he’s taking frequent trips to sperm banks to get more winners out in the world.

Another reason for Bostonians and New Yorkers to want to jab each other in the eye with a pencil

There doesn’t seem to be as strong a Boston-New York hatred in football as there is in baseball. But here we are again: a huge game between the two most obnoxious fan bases in the country. The shit talking will be going on for two weeks while the rest of America just sort of shrugs its shoulders and turns the other way.

The happiest Giant? The long snapper.

The only time the long snapper is mentioned is when he fucks up. And he did. But he (and kicker Lawrence Tynes) righted the ship and got the Giants the win.

Thing is, read just about any recap of the game, and we dare you to find the long snapper’s name. We just tried and failed. That’s why we’re not referring to him by name because we don’t know who the fuck he is!

Had the Giants lost in OT after missing the very makeable game-winner in regulation, we bet the long snapper’s name would’ve made most articles. Better believe he’s happy in his anonymity.

Joe Buck can lie in the middle of the fucking freeway

We know we rip on Buck a ton, enough to merit his own tag, but c’mon, this was the NFC Championship Game, and a fucking good one at that. And we might as well be watching preseason amateur bowling.

Holy fuck is Buck hard to listen to. We had the game on in the background for a while because we had some work to do. The only way we knew what happened was based on the crowd reaction. That’s not right.

Does this get Eli off the hook?

It should. Maybe he’s taken too much heat all along. But don’t think for a second The Hater Nation will let up. No way.

Rumor: Osi Umenyiora likes to give Cleveland Steamers

Cleveland Steamer \Clee-ve-lande-stee-mer\, noun: A Cleveland Steamer is when a man defecates on a woman’s chest after some period of intercourse. A variation of this is the “chili dog” which takes the Cleveland Steamer one step further by “titty fucking” the woman using the feces as lubricant.

New York Giants defensive end Osi Umenyiora may have a fetish. According to a model’s website (NSFW) found by With Leather and Kissing Suzy Kolber, Umenyiora likes to, ugh, well, hmm, better let her explain.

Now let’s talk about Osi Umenyiora of the New York Giants. He does likes it nasty in the bedroom. As a magazine model i get introduced to him last summer in NY by a friend of his who also used to play football for a team that I can’t remember. We hooked up and he had an unusual request. He wanted to pee on me. I thought it was weird but I did so because he said he it would really turn him on and he would see me again if I did. After I did so in his bathroom he handled his business and asked me how I liked it. I said, “I don’t know how I feel about it. It was kind of crazy.”

The next time I was with him he offered me 3 grand if I let him defecate on me and I said no. He told me to leave and so I did. The next time he asked and I did and I accepted the 3 grand. And it became a regular thing.

Now there’s a very good chance that this actually did happen and Umenyiora gets off by dropping a pile-driver shit on a woman’s chest. No way that this is just a swirling Internet rumor. There’s all sorts of credibility behind this. C’mon, there’s a model who has one blog post about the time she got shat on by an NFL player. She’s probably the real Deep Throat.

Sometimes this site writes itself. But this isn’t one of those times because this is hard-hitting news. Yes, hard-hitting. Especially if it’s a tightly-packed turd.