Would you do…Brynn Cameron?

Thanks to all who played a few Fridays ago in the good comment thread. There were some fantastic ideas and sexy suggestions.

We went with Cameron here because, well, we thought it was hilarious. That’s pretty much all. Anonymous 9:58 A.m., NFL Adam will give you some hand relief at your convenience.

Why we might:

The easy answer: Leinart’s been there.

The more in-depth answer: We might be alone on this one, but we think that any girl a stud — like Leinart — dates becomes hotter in our eyes. He’s basically affirming that this girl is worthy of him to fuck. So if he’d hit, we’d hit it. See our line of thinking here?

Why we might not:

The easy answer: Leinart’s been there.

The more in-depth answer: This might be callous, but doesn’t Leinart have herpes? If he does, Cameron now must too. And that’s something we’d prefer not to mess with.

Say Cameron is clean — and that’s a big if — she’s still given birth. And we don’t want to get all symbolic with you and say Baby Cole was brought to the world by a white stork. Because he wasn’t. That’s fucking bullshit. Brynn Cameron had a child come out of her koochie. Fuck. Hot dog in a hallway, man.

The answer: She’s hot. Our type too. Blond, blue eyes, good tits. The fact that we could say we pulled the same tail that an NFL quarterback did would also be cool. Though we think we’d need to double bag it, if you know what we mean. So, for the record, let’s call it three Long Islands. And we might have to put it in her butt.

All right, folks. The polls are open (nice new edition, huh?). But don’t shy away from the comments. Does chlamydia scare you? What about Loose Pussy Syndrome? Both are big detractors. But if you hate Leinart, this could be your revenge. Your sticky, icky, X-rated revenge. Let us know how many Long Islands it’d take for you to wreck this home.

Would you do…Brynn Cameron?
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Yi Jianlian is a Buck

Hi. It’s Yi again.

Things I like: diverse cities, Golden Retrievers, rice wine vinegar, practical jokes, fashion sense, courtroom dramas, Nike, unwritten laws, interpreters, Eggs Benedict.

Things I don’t like: confrontational people, “Orange” Chicken from Panda Express, Milwaukee, light beer, Nancy Drew, sluts, Radiohead, cynicism, tapioca.

Things are better now than when we last talked. I just signed a contract with the Bucks and I will, in fact, play in Milwaukee.

I mean, it’s hard not to be happy about it. It’s bittersweet, if you will. I have the financial comfort that every person longs for. But I have to spend the next few years of my life in Wisconsin.

I don’t like Wisconsin. I guess I should have told you that in my list above. I like diversity. I want to walk down the street and see people who don’t look like me or you. I guess there aren’t a lot of people who are 6-foot-11 and Chinese, so really not too many people look like me. But you know what I mean.

The Census said there are only 27,500 people of Asian descent living in Milwaukee. That’s not a lot. Not enough. I suppose I could do something about it. I could create more people of Asian descent. I’m an NBA basketball player. I could walk down the street and make a child.

A big part of life is how you deal with the obstacles that life throws your way. I’ve been given a hurdle. Milwaukee is gross. But now I’m here. And I’m going to make it better. One game, one step, one child at a time.

I also like improv comedy and after-dinner drinks.

College Football is here! And so is the poon!

College ball kicks off today which is just about the coolest thing we’ve heard since a girlfriend of ours once asked, “Do you mind if I bring a friend?”

To get juiced for the season, we want to point you in the direction of the new site, wonderfully titled, SEC Poon.

Here’s what it’s all about:

Face it – your team will suck ass. Maybe not this season, maybe not even next. But eventually you’ll be stuck grinding through a brutal conference schedule, like a dead man walking. And during these days of despair, when all hope seems lost, The Poon shall be thy comfort. Because some days its not about the final score.

Yeah. And if any of you Southern Big Pic readers get some good tailgate photos of hot SEC poon, send those photos to secpoon@gmail.com. And CC us too.

Perverts.

Blogger Reach-Arounds

Blogger Reach-Arounds” is The Big Picture’s link dump that runs every Wednesday. But sometimes Thursday. But usually Wednesday. Send your links — current posts or those within the last week — to zachls5@gmail.com by Tuesday night.

College football starts today! Holy shit! Get your big foam finger, Bloody Mary and ass-groove ready for what should be a helluva season. Predictions and rankings aren’t really our thing, but watch out for those Big East powerhouses to make a run at the National Championship. And Hawaii is totally our sleeper to make a BCS game.

Just got back from a two-day road trip where we might have drank all of the alcohol in the entire world. Nothing better than drinking with some homies on (in?) a river.

That’s Amber. We’re not sure that’s her real name or not, and we’re told that people often have last names. But here’s some NSFWish pics of this “Amber.” And don’t even think about touching her…

1.) We’re with our buddies over at Rumors and Rants: Lou Holtz is a fucking moron. And he probably has ED.

2.) The Money Shot tells us how the Tigers helped bury the career belonging to Mike Mussina.

3.) Our Book of Scrap finds more Madden stuff that will help destroy any shot of you getting laid.

4.) Stiles Points breaks down some of the big Week One college football games. We’re not sure why Washington-Syracuse isn’t on this short list.

5.) Flyers Fieldhouse has a fantastic list of the top 75 sports — yeah, sports! — of all time. While a great list, we think Flip Cup over Beer Pong is bullshit. You hear that Flyers Fieldhouse? Bullshit.

6.) If a blogger got his proverbial hands on Michael Vick, this is what the interview would sound like. Stupid Sideline Reporters, ugh, reports.

7.) Epic Carnival sits down with KSK’s Unsilent Majority. Hey, we once talked to Unsilent…

8.) The Hater Nation should be your first stop for NFL previews. And satire. And cynicism.

9.) How hot chicks might be placed on a soccer field. The Beautiful Game provides your Thursday hard wood.

10.) Just Call Me Juice puts a smile on our faces: the shitty sports season is over!

Big Picture Categories: college football stadiums

King’s Cup might be the best drinking game out there. Everyone has their own version, there’s ample drinking and sometimes — on a few lucky occasions — hot chicks end up naked. One of the best “games” in King’s Cup is Categories, which often is represented by the Jack card. In Categories, the person who draws the card says a category (fast food joints, baseball stadiums, etc.) and everyone must go around the circle naming one until somebody stumbles. When that person fucks up, they drink. Make sense? Good.

We had a good back-and-forth about college football rivalries a few weeks ago and today — because we’re so fucking juiced that CFB is starting! — we’ll talk about college football stadiums.

There are some good names of stadiums out there and you guys need to come up with those names without stumbling. And don’t look them up. We’ll fucking kill you if you do. We’ll start and you guys continue in the comments. You can go again after every five comments. First person who can’t name one has to take a shot of bottom-shelf tequila. Without lime. Or salt. And take it off of a male coworker.

We’ll start with a familiar site: Husky Stadium (University of Washington).

Spit off your stadium knowledge in the comments.

Pacman could take some notes from this guy

Fun story out of Nashville Sunday from Yahoo! via SI’s wonderful Hot Clicks:

A man who authorities say used his computer to make fake $100 bills to buy lap dances at a strip club has pleaded guilty to counterfeiting charges, federal prosecutors said.

Strippers at Deja Vu in Nashville were suspicious of the bills and called police after Damon Armagost spent $600 of the fake money April 16, authorities said.

MLK. Ghandi. Mother Theresa. Those historical figures are no longer our heroes. Welcome, Damon Armagost to an elite club of Big Picture idols.

We find it funny that he was spending the money on strippers opposed to, say, food, booze, hookers, arms, butt plugs or bootlegged DVDs from the Far East, but anytime you can throw down the Benjamins at a strip club, well, you’re a good man.

As for Pacman Jones, well, he has nothing to do with this story. Frankly, this story is not even sports-related. Hmm. We’re having blog identity issues right about now. Well, there are some girls who look like they might play sports. There. Sports-related. Don’t judge us.

Mark Cuban will continue to get his freak on

Here’s some mental imagery that might have you reaching for a mind eraser: Mark Cuban. Dancing.

Oh, wait.

Following in the illustrious footsteps of athletes Apolo Ohno, Clyde Drexler and Laila Ali, Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban will become the next cast member of Dancing With the Stars, a source told SI.com.

Jennie Garth and Wayne Newton are also in this thing (awesome!), so, geez, Cuban could stick around for a while.

We pretty much do anything we can to avoid reality television, but, boy, this could actually be pretty fun.

–Adam Landres-Schnur

This is the funniest thing we’ve seen in a long, long time

Happy Friday, from EDSBS via With Leather.

Have a wonderful, sex-filled weekend, you rotten scoundrels.

Mike Modano’s wife = 0 Long Islands

That lovely lady to the right is Willa Ford. She’s well-known for having blond hair, blue eyes, and what’s likely a very knowledgeable tongue. She may or may not have been on a TV show or two. Probably not though.

Anyway, she’s marrying Mike Modano who we think is the actor who starred in The Mighty Ducks. Or is he a singer? Ugh, soccer player?

Well, whatever it is that this Mike Modano does, he bangs Willa Ford. And, if he’s anything like us, the banging would pretty much parallel every meal, which is — give or take — 10 times a day.

Yeah. This Modano fellow probably plows this broad 10 times a day. Whoa. Whoa.

And if masterbation’s your thing, you can find some jerk-material from the link above.

Andy Reid can’t control his kids

Just when you thought the roads were safe in the middle of the afternoon comes this disturbing tidbit:

Britt Reid, 22, of Villanova, failed a sobriety test in a store parking lot around 3:45 p.m. and was given a blood test, Assistant Police Chief Joseph Lawrence of Plymouth Township said.

Britt (ugh, girl’s name?) also struck a shopping cart. Sick. Fuck. Day-drinking has been a hobby of ours for the last, oh, 23 years. It’s pretty fun to get toe-up and then check your watch and realize your hangover’s starting at 4 p.m. But you can’t drive while day-drinking. Self control, man.

Andy Reid’s kids in trouble with the law sounds familiar, no?

Reid is free on bail pending sentencing in the Jan. 30 road-rage case, in which police said he brandished a handgun at another driver. He pleaded guilty last week to gun and drug charges and faces a possible six to 14 months in jail.

Reid’s 24-year-old brother, Garrett, faces at least three days in jail after pleading guilty last month to drug and traffic offenses. Garrett Reid admitted to using heroin the day he ran a red light in Plymouth Township and hit another car.

Andy Reid. Parent of the Year.